Dramatis Personae STRATOPHANES, a Captain in the Babylonian service. STRABAX, a-young man from the country. DINARCHUS, a young Athenian. STRATILAX, the Churl, the servant of Strabax. CALLICLES, an aged Athenian. GETA, servant of Dinarchus. CYAMUS, servant of Phronesium. PHRONESIUM, a Courtesan. ASTAPHIUM, her servant. SYRA, the female hair-dresser of Phronesium. A MAID-SERVANT of Callicles. PITHECIUM, Mutes, female-servants of Phronesium. ARCHYLIS (Scene.— Athens ; before the houses of PHRONESIUM and of the father of STRABAX) THE SUBJECT.
 PHRONESIUM, a Courtesan, has three admirers—Dinarchus, a dissipated young Athenian; Strabax, a young man from the country; and Stratophanes, an officer in the Babylonian army. To impose upon the last, she palms off a child upon him, pretending that it is hers, and that he is the father of it. In the first part of the Play, Dinarchus returns from abroad, and is admitted by the servant Astaphium into the house of Phronesium. After this, Astaphium goes to the house where Strabax lives, to invite him to visit Phronesium, but is roughly repulsed by Stratilax, his servant. Dinarchus quits the house of Phronesium, not having been allowed to see her, on the excuse that she is at the bath. Phronesium at length comes out, and, in their conversation, tells Dinarchus that she is pretending to have been pregnant by the Captain Stratophanes, and has procured a child to pass off as his. She also begs Dinarchus to make her a present, which he promises to do, and then takes his leave. She then gets everything in readiness to look as though she had just lain in. The Captain arrives from abroad, and produces his presents; but as ready money does not form a part of them, Phronesium expresses extreme dissatisfaction and contempt. At this moment Geta, the servant of Dinarchus, come’s with his present, in money and provisions. A quarrel ensues between the Captain and Geta, who at last takes to his heels, on which Phronesium goes into her house. Strabax then arrives from the country with some ready money, and is admitted to visit Phronesium. Stratilax comes to look for him, and after some parley falls a prey to the allurements of Astaphium. Dinarchus then arrives, but, despite of his recent generosity, suffers a repulse. Before he quits the stage, Callicles, an old gentleman, comes with two female-servants, whom he examines as to what they have done with a female child that his daughter has been recently delivered of. They confess that they have carried it to Phronesium to be passed off as her own, and that Dinarchus is really the father of it. Dinarchus, in great alarm, overhears this conversation, and then accosts Callicles, and, confessing his fault, offers to marry his daughter forthwith. His offer is accepted; on which he revisits Phronesium, to request her to restore to him the child. She, however, prevails upon him to lend it to her for a few days, that she may fully carry out her design of imposing upon the Captain. After this, Stratophanes appears again, and brings fresh presents. He then has a quarrel with Strabax, and the Play ends by Phronesium promising to divide her favours between them both. The text of this Play is in a most corrupt state. THE ACROSTIC ARGUMENT. [Supposed to have been written by Priscian the Grammarian.] THREE ( Tres ) young men are desperately in love for the same woman—one from the country ( Rure ), another from the city, the third from abroad; and that ( Utque ) she may touch the Captain for a heavy haul, she secretly ( Clam ) passes off as her own a child that has been born by stealth. A servant uses great violence ( Vi ) and churlish manners, that Courtesans ( Lupae ) may not squander the savings of his master; and ( Et ) yet he is softened. The Captain arrives, and for the sake of the child ( Nati ) gives costly presents. At length ( Tandem ), the father of her that has been debauched comes to know all, and agrees that ( Utque ) he shall marry her who has seduced her; and he asks back his own ( Suum ) child that has been passed off by the Courtesan as hers. THE PROLOGUE. PROLOGUS A VERY small portion of room does Plautus ask from out of your vast and pleasant city within the walls, whither, without builders, he may transport Athens . What then? Will you give it or not? They nod assent. I fancied, indeed, that I should obtain it of you without hesitation. What if I were to ask something of your private means? They shake their heads. Only see, i’ faith, how the ancient habit still indwells among you, to keep your tongues ever ready for a denial. But let’s to the point, on account of which I came hither. Let this be Athens , just as this is our stage, only for the while that we perform this Play. Here (pointing to her house) dwells a female whose name is Phronesium; she has in herself the manners of the present age; she never asks of her lover that which has been given; but what is left, she does her best that it mayn’t be left, by begging for it and carrying it off, as is the habit of the women; for all of them do this when they discover that they are loved. She is pretending to a Captain that she has been brought to bed, that the more speedily she may sweep away his property from him every atom. Why say more? If the life of this woman should only last, he will be sweeping off his substance with his very life into her hands. (Enter DINARCHUS.) DINARCHUS (to himself) Not a whole life is sufficient for a lover thoroughly to learn, until he has become full well aware of this, in how many modes he may come to ruin; nor does Venus herself, in whose hands lie the sum and substance of lovers, ever instruct us in that art of reckoning— in how many ways one in love may be deluded, in how many modes he may come to ruin, and with how many modes of entreaty he may be entreated. How many blandishments are there in it, how many pettish ways in it, how many perils must be courted! Ye Gods! by our trust in you! Hey! what ground for perjury as well, besides the everlasting presents! In the first place then, there’s the yearly allowance; that’s her first haul Her first haul : Bolus. This is a metaphorical expression alluding to the casting of the net in fishing. . For that the favour of three nights is granted. In the meantime she’s trying for either money, or wine, or oil, or corn, to prove whether you are lavish or thrifty. Just like the person that throws a casting-net into a fish-pond; when the net has gone and sunk, then he contracts the folds; but if he has rightly thrown it, he takes care that the fish may not escape; then in this direction and that does he enfold the fish netted well, until he has taken them out of the water: just so is the lover. If he gives that which is asked for, and is lavish rather than thrifty, nightly favours are given in addition. Meanwhile he swallows down the hook. If once he has partaken of the cup of love unmixed, and that draught has made its way within his breast, forthwith both himself is ruined, and his fortune, and his credit. If the mistress is angry with her lover perchance, doubly is the lover ruined, both in fortune and in mind; but if one man is preferable to another in her eyes, just as much is he ruined; if he enjoys but few of her favours, in mind is he ruined; if he enjoys them in abundance, he himself is joyous, his fortunes are ruined. Thus is it in the houses kept by procurers; before you’ve given a single thing, she’s preparing a hundred to ask for; either a golden trinket’s lost, or a mantle has been torn, or a female servant bought; or some silver vessel, or some vessel of brass, or expensive couch, or a Grecian cabinet, or there’s always something to be lost and for the lover to be replacing for his mistress. And with one common earnestness do we conceal these losses while we are losing our fortunes, and our credit, and ourselves, lest our parents or our relatives should know something; whom, while we conceal it from them, if we were to make acquainted with it, for them in time to restrain our youthful age, we should be giving what has been received from them before to our descendants in reversion; I’d be for causing, that as there are now more procurers and harlots, there should be fewer and fewer of spendthrift fellows than there are at present; for now-a-days there are almost more procurers and harlots than flies at the time when it is most hot. For, if they are nowhere else, the procurers with their harlots are around the bankers’ shops each day as though on siege. That score is the principal one; inasmuch as I know for certain, that now-a-days there are more harlots ready for the money than there are weights for weighing it. And I really don’t know what purpose to say it is to serve that these procurers are thus keeping them at the bankers’ shops, except as in the place of account-books, where the sums lent on loan may be set down—the sums received I mean, those expended let no one take count of. In fine, in a great nation, amid numberless persons, the state being tranquil and in quiet, the enemy vanquished, it befits all to be in love who have anything to give. Now, this Courtesan (pointing to the house) Phronesium, who dwells here, has totally expelled from my breast her own name. Phronesium, for Phronesis is wisdom Phronesis is wisdom : He alludes to the resemblance of the name of Phronesium to the Greek word φρονηδὶς, prudence, or forethought. This line, however, is thought by some to be spurious, and to be a mere gloss or explanation. . For I confess that I was with her first and foremost; a thing that’s very disastrous to a lover’s cash. The same woman, after she had found another out, a greater spendthrift, who would give more, a Babylonian Captain Babylonian Captain : He does not mean an officer, a native of Babylon , but probably a Greek, serving for pay in the Babylonian army. Thus Xenophon and the Ten Thousand were Greeks in the pay of the Younger Cyrus. , whom the hussy said was troublesome and odious to her, forthwith banished me from the spot. He now is said to be about to arrive from abroad. For that reason has she now cooked up this device; she pretends that she has been brought to bed. That she may push me out of doors, and with the Captain alone live the life of a jovial Greek, she pretends that this Captain is the father of the child; for that reason does this most vile hussy need a palmed-off child. She fancies that she’s deceiving me! Does she suppose that she could have concealed it from me, if she had been pregnant? Now I arrived at Athens the day before yesterday from Lemnos , whither I have been on an embassy from this place on the public service. But who’s this woman? It’s her servant-maid Astaphium. With her too as well I’ve had some acquaintanceship. (Stands aside.) (Enter ASTAPHIUM, from the house of PHRONESIUM.) ASTAPHIUM (speaking to the SERVANTS within.) Listen at the door and guard the house, that no one who comes may go away more loaded than he came, or who has brought empty hands into our house may take them full out of it. (To herself.) I know the ways of people; of such habits are the young men now-a-days. For as soon as ever the jolly companions have arrived at the courtesans’ houses, their plans are formed. When they’ve arrived in-doors, some one of them is incessantly bestowing kisses on his mistress. While they are engaged, the others are pilfering Others are pilfering : This is somewhat similar to a passage in Ovid’s Art of Love, B. 3, l. 449, where he speaks of the habit of well-dressed thieves getting into the houses of the courtesans, and the consequences. Perhaps the best dressed of the number of these may be some thief, and he may be attracted by a desire for your clothes. Give me back my property! full oft do the plundered damsels cry; give me back my property! the whole Forum resounding with their cries. . But if they see that any one is observing them, they play some trick, by which to amuse the observer with pleasantry and sport. Full oft do they devour that belonging to us just as the sausage-makers The sausage-makers : It would appear from this passage that it was the custom to send the ingredients to the sausage-makers to be made up into sausages; and that these worthies gave occasion to complain of their dishonesty, by purloining a portion of what was entrusted to them. do. Upon my faith, this is the case, and some of the Spectators (to the AUDIENCE) , i’ faith, you know full well that I tell no lie in this. There with them is the struggle and the valour, to carry oft a booty from the plunderers. But we again nicely give a like return to these robbers of us; for they themselves look on, while we are heaping up their property; indeed, of their own accord even do they themselves bring it to us. DINARCHUS (apart.) In those words she’s surely lashing myself; for I’ve been heaping up presents there. ASTAPHIUM (in answer to some one who calls from PHRONESIUM’S house.) I well recollect it. I’ troth, his own self, if he’s at home, I’ll at once bring here with me.