THE PROLOGUE. PROLOGUS A VERY small portion of room does Plautus ask from out of your vast and pleasant city within the walls, whither, without builders, he may transport Athens . What then? Will you give it or not? They nod assent. I fancied, indeed, that I should obtain it of you without hesitation. What if I were to ask something of your private means? They shake their heads. Only see, i' faith, how the ancient habit still indwells among you, to keep your tongues ever ready for a denial. But let's to the point, on account of which I came hither. Let this be Athens , just as this is our stage, only for the while that we perform this Play. Here pointing to her house dwells a female whose name is Phronesium; she has in herself the manners of the present age; she never asks of her lover that which has been given; but what is left, she does her best that it mayn't be left, by begging for it and carrying it off, as is the habit of the women; for all of them do this when they discover that they are loved. She is pretending to a Captain that she has been brought to bed, that the more speedily she may sweep away his property from him every atom. Why say more? If the life of this woman should only last, he will be sweeping off his substance with his very life into her hands. * * * * * * * * * *
 Enter DINARCHUS. DINARCHUS to himself Not a whole life is sufficient for a lover thoroughly to learn, until he has become full well aware of this, in how many modes he may come to ruin; nor does Venus herself, in whose hands lie the sum and substance of lovers, ever instruct us in that art of reckoning—in how many ways one in love may be deluded, in how many modes he may come to ruin, and with how many modes of entreaty he may be entreated. How many blandishments are there in it, how many pettish ways in it, how many perils must be courted! Ye Gods! by our trust in you! Hey! what ground for perjury as well, besides the everlasting presents! In the first place then, there's the yearly allowance; that's her first haul 
 Her first haul : "Bolus." This is a metaphorical expression alluding to the casting of the net in fishing. . For that the favour of three nights is granted. In the meantime she's trying for either money, or wine, or oil, or corn, to prove whether you are lavish or thrifty. Just like the person that throws a casting-net into a fish-pond; when the net has gone and sunk, then he contracts the folds; but if he has rightly thrown it, he takes care that the fish may not escape; then in this direction and that does he enfold the fish netted well, until he has taken them out of the water: just so is the lover. If he gives that which is asked for, and is lavish rather than thrifty, nightly favours are given in addition. Meanwhile he swallows down the hook. If once he has partaken of the cup of love unmixed, and that draught has made its way within his breast, forthwith both himself is ruined, and his fortune, and his credit. If the mistress is angry with her lover perchance, doubly is the lover ruined, both in fortune and in mind; but if one man is preferable to another in her eyes, just as much is he ruined; if he enjoys but few of her favours, in mind is he ruined; if he enjoys them in abundance, he himself is joyous, his fortunes are ruined. * * * Thus is it in the houses kept by procurers; before you've given a single thing, she's preparing a hundred to ask for; either a golden trinket's lost, or a mantle has been torn, or a female servant bought; or some silver vessel, or some vessel of brass, or expensive couch, or a Grecian cabinet, or there's always something to be lost and for the lover to be replacing for his mistress. And with one common earnestness do we conceal these losses while we are losing our fortunes, and our credit, and ourselves, lest our parents or our relatives should know something; whom, while we conceal it from them, if we were to make acquainted with it, for them in time to restrain our youthful age, we should be giving what has been received from them before to our descendants in reversion; I'd be for causing, that as there are now more procurers and harlots, there should be fewer and fewer of spendthrift fellows than there are at present; for now-a-days there are almost more procurers and harlots than flies at the time when it is most hot. For, if they are nowhere else, the procurers with their harlots are around the bankers' shops each day as though on siege. That score is the principal one; inasmuch as I know for certain, that now-a-days there are more harlots ready for the money than there are weights for weighing it. And I really don't know what purpose to say it is to serve that these procurers are thus keeping them at the bankers' shops, except as in the place of account-books, where the sums lent on loan may be set down—the sums received I mean, those expended let no one take count of. In fine, in a great nation, amid numberless persons, the state being tranquil and in quiet, the enemy vanquished, it befits all to be in love who have anything to give. Now, this Courtesan pointing to the house Phronesium, who dwells here, has totally expelled from my breast her own name. Phronesium, for Phronesis is wisdom 
 Phronesis is wisdom : He alludes to the resemblance of the name of Phronesium to the Greek word φρονηδὶς, "prudence," or "forethought." This line, however, is thought by some to be spurious, and to be a mere gloss or explanation. . For I confess that I was with her first and foremost; a thing that's very disastrous to a lover's cash. The same woman, after she had found another out, a greater spendthrift, who would give more, a Babylonian Captain 
 Babylonian Captain : He does not mean an officer, a native of Babylon , but probably a Greek, serving for pav in the Babylonian army. Thus Xenophon and the Ten Thousand were Greeks in the pay of the Younger Cyrus. , whom the hussy said was troublesome and odious to her, forthwith banished me from the spot. He now is said to be about to arrive from abroad. For that reason has she now cooked up this device; she pretends that she has been brought to bed. That she may push me out of doors, and with the Captain alone live the life of a jovial Greek, she pretends that this Captain is the father of the child; for that reason does this most vile hussy need a palmed-off child. She fancies that she's deceiving me! Does she suppose that she could have concealed it from me, if she had been pregnant? Now I arrived at Athens the day before yesterday from Lemnos , whither I have been on an embassy from this place on the public service. But who's this woman? It's her servant-maid Astaphium. With her too as well I've had some acquaintanceship. Stands aside. 
 Enter ASTAPHIUM, from the house of PHRONESIUM. ASTAPHIUM speaking to the SERVANTS within . Listen at the door and guard the house, that no one who comes may go away more loaded than he came, or who has brought empty hands into our house may take them full out of it. To herself. I know the ways of people; of such habits are the young men now-a-days. For as soon as ever the jolly companions have arrived at the courtesans' houses, their plans are formed. When they've arrived in-doors, some one of them is incessantly bestowing kisses on his mistress. While they are engaged, the others are pilfering 
 Others are pilfering : This is somewhat similar to a passage in Ovid's Art of Love, B. 3, l. 449, where he speaks of the habit of well-dressed thieves getting into the houses of the courtesans, and the consequences. "Perhaps the best dressed of the number of these may be some thief, and he may be attracted by a desire for your clothes. 'Give me back my property!' full oft do the plundered damsels cry; 'give me back my property!' the whole Forum resounding with their cries." . But if they see that any one is observing them, they play some trick, by which to amuse the observer with pleasantry and sport. Full oft do they devour that belonging to us just as the sausage-makers 
 The sausage-makers : It would appear from this passage that it was the custom to send the ingredients to the sausage-makers to be made up into sausages; and that these worthies gave occasion to complain of their dishonesty, by purloining a portion of what was entrusted to them. do. Upon my faith, this is the case, and some of the Spectators to the AUDIENCE , i' faith, you know full well that I tell no lie in this. There with them is the struggle and the valour, to carry oft a booty from the plunderers. But we again nicely give a like return to these robbers of us; for they themselves look on, while we are heaping up their property; indeed, of their own accord even do they themselves bring it to us. DINARCHUS apart . In those words she's surely lashing myself; for I've been heaping up presents there. ASTAPHIUM in answer to some one who calls from PHRONESIUM'S house . I well recollect it. I' troth, his own self, if he's at home, I'll at once bring here with me. Runs on. DINARCHUS calling out . Hallo! Astaphium, do stop a moment, before you go away. ASTAPHIUM Who's calling me back? DINARCHUS You shall know; look back this way. ASTAPHIUM Who is it? DINARCHUS One who wishes many a blessing to yourselves. ASTAPHIUM Give them then, if you wish us to have them. DINARCHUS I'll let you have them. Only do look back this way. ASTAPHIUM O dear, you're teazing wretched me to death, whoever you are. Runs on. 
 DINARCHUS Worst of women, stop. ASTAPHIUM Best of men, go on; you are troublesome. Turns round. Is that Dinarchus? Why, it is he. DINARCHUS He's going to your house; and do you give me your hand holding out his in return, and walk together with me. ASTAPHIUM I am your servant, and am obedient to your command. Gives her hand. 
 DINARCHUS Yourself, how are you? ASTAPHIUM I'm well, and am holding by the hand one who's well. Since you've arrived from abroad, a dinner must be given 
 A dinner must be given : Allusion is here made to the custom of providing an entertainment of welcome, "cæna viatica," for a friend on his arrival from abroad See the Bacchides, l. 94 . DINARCHUS You speak obligingly. ASTAPHIUM But, prithee, do let me go whither she ordered me. Withdrawing her hand. 
 DINARCHUS lets go her hand . Be off then. But how say you- -? ASTAPHIUM What do you want? DINARCHUS He, that you are on your road to, who is it that you're going to fetch? ASTAPHIUM Achiva, the midwife. DINARCHUS You are an artful damsel. ASTAPHIUM I'm as usual then; that's my practice. DINARCHUS You deceitful hussy, I've caught you detected in a lie. ASTAPHIUM How so, pray? DINARCHUS Because you said that you were going to bring "his own self," and not "herself." A woman, then, has been made out of a man. You are an artful one. ASTAPHIUM A conjurer! DINARCHUS But, pray, tell me, Astaphium who is this person? A new lover? ASTAPHIUM I think that you are a gentleman too much at his ease. DINARCHUS Why now do you think so? ASTAPHIUM Because you trouble yourself about things that don't concern your own clothing and food. DINARCHUS It's yourselves have made me a gentleman at ease. ASTAPHIUM Why so? DINARCHUS I'll explain it to you. I've lost my property; with my property you've robbed me of occupation. If I had preserved my property, there had been something with which I might have been occupied. ASTAPHIUM And do you suppose that you can possibly well manage the affairs of state, or those of love, on any other terms without being a gentleman at ease? DINARCHUS It was she held a public employment, not I; you misinterpret me. But, against the law, in spite of my tax paid for pasturage 
 Tax paid for pasturage : "Scripturam." This passage is somewhat difficult to be understood. Dinarchus seems to say that he is reduced to idleness from having squandered his property upon Phronesium, and retorts upon Astaphium, by saying that he himself has no public office, but that Phronesium is a publican, alluding to her calling as a public courtesan; and he then proceeds to accuse her of letting the public pasture, for which he had paid the rent or tax ("scripturam"), to another. Part of the Roman revenue arose from the letting of the uncultivated lands, through the medium of "publicani," or "farmers of the public revenue," who used to sublet them to private persons. He therefore means to say, that Phronesium has undertaken the duties of a publican, but has failed in duly performing them. It is possible that a pun may be intended on the word "scriptura," which also signifies a "writing" or "deed," and may allude to some preceding compact which had been made between Phronesium and himself. , she has received other cattle beside myself. ASTAPHIUM Most persons who manage their property badly, do the same as you are doing; when they haven't wherewith to pay the tax, they blame the farmers of the taxes. DINARCHUS My pasturage contract with you turns out but badly; now in its turn, I wish to have, according to my narrow circumstances, a little bit of arable land here with you. ASTAPHIUM Here is no arable, but the field is pasture land. If you desire some ploughing, you had better go to those 
 Go to those : The whole of this passage has been somewhat modified in the translation, as the meaning of Astaphium is gross in the extreme, and so much to the discredit of Dinarchus, that any compassion for the ill-treatment he afterwards experiences would be quite thrown away upon him. who are in the habit of ploughing; we hold this public emolument, the right of pasturage; those are farmers of other taxes. DINARCHUS Full well enough do I know both sides. ASTAPHIUM I' troth, it's that way you are a gentleman at ease, since you've been going wrong both in that direction and in this. But the acquaintance of which do you like the best? DINARCHUS You are the more exacting, but they are perjured. Whatever's given to them is lost outright, nor with themselves is there any show at all of it; you, if you gain anything, do at least drink and feast it away. In short, they are unprincipled; you are good-for-nothings, and full of airs. ASTAPHIUM All this abuse which, Dinarchus, you are uttering against us and them, you utter against yourself, both as respects us and them. DINARCHUS How's that? ASTAPHIUM I'll tell the reason; because he who accuses another of dishonesty, him it behoves to look into himself. You who are so prudent, have got nothing from us; we, who are good-for-nothings, have got all out of you. DINARCHUS O Astaphium! you were not in the habit of speaking to me in that fashion formerly, but courteously, when I myself possessed that which is now in your possession. ASTAPHIUM While he's alive, you may know a person; when he's dead, you may keep yourself quiet. I used to know you when you were alive. DINARCHUS Do you consider me to be dead? ASTAPHIUM Prithee, how can it be plainer? He who formerly was esteemed a first-rate lover, for him to be bringing to his mistress nought but lamentations 
 Nought but lamentations : "Meras querimonias" Literally, "mere complaints." . DINARCHUS I' faith, through your own faults it was done, who in former days were in haste to plunder me. You ought to have done it leisurely, that, unscathed, I might last the longer for you. ASTAPHIUM A lover is like an enemy's fortress. DINARCHUS On what ground? ASTAPHIUM The sooner the lover can be taken by storm, the better it is for the mistress.
 DINARCHUS I confess it; but far different is the friend from the lover. I' faith, for sure, the oldest friend's the best one possible for a man. I' faith, my lands and tenements are not yet all gone. ASTAPHIUM Why then, prithee, are you standing before the door as a stranger and an alien? Do go in-doors. Really you are no stranger; for, upon my faith, not one person this day does she more love in her heart and soul— aside if, indeed, you've got land and tenements. DINARCHUS Your tongues and talk are steeped in honey; your doings and dispositions are steeped in gall and sour vinegar. From your tongues you utter sweet words; you make your lovers of bitter heart if any don't give you presents. ASTAPHIUM I've not learnt to say what's false. DINARCHUS It was not this liberality of mine that taught you to say what's false, but those niggardly fellows who are struggling against their appetites. You are a sly one, and the same artful coaxer that you used to be. ASTAPHIUM How ardently longed for have you returned from abroad! But, prithee, do come, my mistress wants to see you. DINARCHUS How so, pray? ASTAPHIUM You alone of all mankind does she love. DINARCHUS aside . Well done, lands and tenements; you have come to my aid in good time. To ASTAPHIUM. But how say you, Astaphium—? ASTAPHIUM What do you want? DINARCHUS Is Phronesium in-doors just now? ASTAPHIUM To you at all events she's in-doors. DINARCHUS Is she well? ASTAPHIUM Aye, faith, and I do believe she'll be still better when she sees you. DINARCHUS This is our greatest fault: when we're in love, then we are undone; if that which we wish is told us, when manifestly they are telling lies, in our folly we believe it to be true; verily as though with a tide we fluctuate. ASTAPHIUM Heyday now—such is not the fact. DINARCHUS Do you say that she loves me? ASTAPHIUM Aye, you only, alone. DINARCHUS I heard that she was brought to bed. ASTAPHIUM Oh, prithee, Dinarchus, do hold your tongue. DIN, Why so?
 ASTAPHIUM I shudder in my alarm, as often as mention is made of childbirth, with such difficulty has Phronesium survived for you. Prithee, do come in-doors now; do go to see her and wait there a little. She'll be out just now; for she was at the bath. DINARCHUS What do you say? She who was never pregnant, how could she be brought to bed? For really, I never, that I am aware of, perceived her to be in a breeding state. ASTAPHIUM She concealed it from you and was afraid, lest you should persuade her to have recourse to abortion 
 Recourse to abortion : The practice of procuring abortion was not deemed criminal either at Rome or Athens ; though at the latter place there was a law which imposed a penalty on any person who administered a potion to a woman for that purpose. , and so destroy the child. DINARCHUS Troth then, who's the father of this child? ASTAPHIUM A Babylonian Captain, whose arrival she is now expecting. So much so, indeed, that, according as was reported, they say that he'll be here just now. I wonder he has not arrived by this. DINARCHUS Shall I go in, then? ASTAPHIUM Why not? As boldly as at home, into your own house; for even still are you now one of us, Dinarchus. DINARCHUS How soon are you on your return? ASTAPHIUM I'll be there this instant; it's close at hand where I was going. DINARCHUS But do return directly; meanwhile I'll wait for you at your house. He goes into the house of PHRONESIUM. 
 ASTAPHIUM, alone. ASTAPHIUM laughing . Ha, ha, ha! I'm at rest, since my plague has gone in-doors; now, indeed, I shall speak according to my own inclination, freely, as I please. My mistress has sung a funeral dirge A funeral dirge : "Nænia" was a funeral song among the Romans, recited or chanted by hired female mourners, called "præficæ." at our house for this fellow, her lover, over his estate; for his lands and tenements are mortgaged for his treats in his amour. But with him does my mistress speak freely upon the objects of her plans, and so he is rather a friend by way of counsel to her than by way of maintenance. While he had it, he gave; now he has got nothing; what he did have, we have got; what we had, he has now got the same. The common course of things has happened. For. tunes are wont to change upon the instant. Life is checquered. We remember him as rich, and he us as poor; our reminiscences have shifted places. He must be a fool to wonder at it. If he is in want, it's necessary that he should allow us to make a living; that's proper to be done. 'Twere a disgrace for us to have compassion on men that squander away their fortunes. A clever Procuress ought to have good teeth; to smile upon whoever comes, to address him in flattering terms; to design mischief in her heart, but to speak fairly with her tongue. A Courtesan it befits to be like a briar; whatever man she touches, for either mischief or loss certainly to be the result. A Courtesan ought never to listen to the plea of a lover, but, when he has nothing to give, do you pack him off home from service as a deserter As a deserter : "Infrequente," a soldier "negligent of his duty"—"a deserter." She alludes to a custom among the Romans of dismissing bad soldiers from the service; sometimes, however, they merely secluded them from the other soldiers or as we say "sent them to Coventry ." ; and never is any gallant good for anything unless he's one who is the enemy of his own fortune. It's trifling, if, when he has just given, he doesn't take a pleasure in giving afresh. That person's esteemed with us who forgets that that has been given which he has given. As long as he has anything, so long let him go on loving; when he has got nothing, then let him look out another employment; if he himself has got nothing, let him, with a contented mind, make way for others who have. He's a proper lover who, neglecting his affairs, squanders away his property. But among themselves the men declare that we act ill, and are greedy. Prithee, do we in fact at all act ill? For, by my troth, never did any lover whatever give enough to his mistress; nor, i' faith, have we ever received enough, nor has any woman ever asked for enough. For when a gallant is barren with his gifts * * * * * If he denies that he has anything to give, alone * * * * * Nor do we receive enough, when a person has not enough to give us. It is ever our duty to look after fresh givers, who take from untouched treasures, and make presents to us. Just like this young man from the country, who dwells here pointing to the house where STRABAX lives , i' faith, a very pleasant creature, and a very bounteous giver. But he, without the knowledge of his father, even this very last night, leapt over the wall by way of the garden, and came to our house. I wish to meet with him. But one servant has he, a very great savage, who, when he sees any one of us near the door, if you approach that way, drives us off just as he scares the geese away with his noise from the corn; he's such a bumpkin. But come what may, I'll knock at the door. Knocks at the door, and calls. Who, I wonder, has the keeping of this door? Is anybody coming out from in-doors? Enter STRATILAX, from the house of the FATHER of STRABAX. STRATILAX Who's this 
 Who's this : Except that in one or two instances he coins words, there is no proof, so far as the language of the original is concerned, that Stratilax, the churl or clodhopper, speaks in any peculiar manner. But from the fact of his being introduced as a perfect specimen of a rude clown, there can be little doubt that on the stage he speaks the Latin language with the burr or patois of a countryman. In the translation, an attempt has been made to denote this probable peculiarity of speech, by making him to substitute "thee "for "thou," before verbs in the second person singular. Warner, in his version, represents him throughout as speaking in a sort of Somersetshire dialect. , that's so sturdily plying his batteringram against our door? ASTAPHIUM It's I. Look round at me. STRATILAX Who's I? ASTAPHIUM Am I not seen by you? STRATILAX turning to her . Woe worth thee! What mean you by this coming so near this door, or why's this knocking? ASTAPHIUM Health to you. STRATILAX Enow of thy health have I; I care nought for't, I've got no health; I'd rather be sick, than be a bit the sounder with health from thee. This I want to know, what's owing thee here in our house? ASTAPHIUM Do keep close— STRATILAX Yea, faith, to my own good woman I trust; let him keep close to thee whose habit 'tis. A rare fine joke! a silly hussy to be tempting a countryman to naughty tricks. ASTAPHIUM Keep close your anger, I meant. STRATILAX As thee'st begun with me, so I'd e'en lay a wager 
 Lay a wager : The meaning of this passage seems to be, "according to the way you have begun, I'd lay a wager your equal can't be found;" but the passage seems hopelessly corrupt, though a dozen different readings have been suggested. there's not another like thee.
 ASTAPHIUM half to herself . Really this fellow's very churlish. STRATILAX Woman, dost thee go on abusing me? ASTAPHIUM Why, what did I say to you? STRATILAX Why, because thee dost call me churlish. Therefore now, if thee doesn't be off this instant, and tell me quickly what thee want'st, adzookers, woman, I'll be, here this very instant, trampling thee beneath my feet like a sow her piglings. ASTAPHIUM This is indeed right country, and no mistake; 'tis an abominable and truly a monkey race. STRATILAX holding up his fist . Dost thee throw the country in my teeth, when thee hast found a man who's ashamed of what's foul? Hast thee come hither to tempt me with thy decked out bones Decked out bones : "Ossibus," "with your bones." Probably, in allusion to her thinness, he insinuates that she is "a skeleton." "Exornatis" may apply either to her dress or to the paint upon her face. ? Was it for that, shameless slut, thee dyed thy mantle of its smoke-dried colour, or art thee so fine because that thee's been a stealing? Come thee towards me then. ASTAPHIUM Now you charm me. STRATILAX How much I wish I could charm thee. ASTAPHIUM You tell a lie. STRATILAX Tell me— ASTAPHIUM What? STRATILAX What I ask thee. Dost thee wish to be taken for a bondswoman, who dost carry on thee those rings? Pointing to her fingers. 
 ASTAPHIUM They give them to those who are worthy. STRATILAX These are the spoils of Laverna 
 Spoils of Laverna : Laverna was the tutelary Divinity of thieves and he intends to insinuate that she has stolen the rings. which thee dost possess. Lays hold of her. 
 ASTAPHIUM Don't be touching me. Moving away. 
 STRATILAX I, touch thee? So help me my weeding-hoe, I'd rather i' the country for me to be harnessed like an ox with crumpled horns, and with it spend the livelong night upon the straw, than that a hundred nights with thee, with a dinner apiece, were given me for nothing! But what business, woman, hast thee at our house? Why dost thee come running this way as often as we come to town? ASTAPHIUM I want to meet with your women. STRATILAX What women art thee talking to me about, when there's not even a single woman-fly within the house?
 ASTAPHIUM What, does no woman live here? STRATILAX They've gone into the country, I say. Be off. ASTAPHIUM Why are you bawling out, you lunatic? STRATILAX If thee doesn't make haste to get away from this with prodigious speed, I'll forthwith be separating even from thy brains those falsified, daintily arranged, corkscrew curls of thine, with all their grease as well. ASTAPHIUM For what reason, pray? STRATILAX Why, because thee hast even presumed to approach our door anointed up with thine unguents, and because thee hast those cheeks so nicely, painted pink. ASTAPHIUM I' troth, it was by reason of your clamour that I coloured in my alarm. STRATILAX And is it so? Thee coloured? As though, hussy, thee really hadst left to thy skin the power of receiving any colour. Redden up thy cheeks, thee hast given all thy skin its colour with chalk 
 Its colour with chalk : Chalk was much used by the Roman females for the purposes of a cosmetic. . Ye are scoundrelly jades. What's the reason, abominable hussies, that this way * * * * * ? I know more than thee think'st I know. ASTAPHIUM Prithee, what's this that you know? STRATILAX How Strabax, my master's son, is ruining himself at your house; how you are all enticing him to fraud and present-making. ASTAPHIUM If you appeared in your senses, I'd tell you. You're uttering abuse only; not a person is in the habit of being ruined here at our house; they waste their property; when they've wasted their property, they may go bare thence, if they choose. I don't know this young man of yours. STRATILAX Indeed so. ASTAPHIUM In sober truth. STRATILAX Aye, but that garden wall 
 That garden wall : "Maceria." This was a wall made of loose tiles or bricks, laid on each ether without mortar. that's in our garden says so, which is becoming every night less by a brick, over which he travels to your house on the road to destruction. ASTAPHIUM The wall's an old one; it isn't wonderful if the bricks, being old, do tumble down. STRATILAX And says thee, hussy, that old bricks do tumble down? By my fakes, may never any mortal man henceforth trust me upon the two grand points 
 The two grand points : Alciatus thinks that the "two things" here mentioned are "yes" and "no." Turnebus thinks that they mean "things human and divine." , if I don't inform of these goings on of yours to my elder master. ASTAPHIUM Is he a savage as well? STRATILAX Why, he didn't get his money by enriching harlots, but by thriftiness, and living hard; which now, however, is being carried off to you, abominable jades. Takes her by the shoulders and shakes her. There's for thee, six-clawed hussy; a wretched life to both of ye. Am I to keep mum about these matters? But, lookye now, I'll be off to the Forum at once and tell these goings on to the old gentleman, that he mayn't somehow be cherishing within this matting 
 Within this matting : "In segestro." He seems to derive his metaphor from the usage in gardening of covering up trees with straw or bass matting, and of insects getting into the folds and hatching their eggs and swarming there. a whole swarm of misfortunes. (Exit.) 
 ASTAPHIUM to herself . Upon my faith, if this fellow were living on mustard, I don't think he could possibly be as snappish. But, i' troth, how much a well-wisher to his master he is. Still, although he is a savage, I trust that he can be changed by coaxing, allurements, and other arts of the courtesan. I've seen a horse from unruly become tamed, and other brutes as well. Now I'll go back to see my mistress. But see, my plague's coming out. The door of PHRONESIUM'S house is opened. He's coming out with a sad air; he hasn't even yet had a meeting with Phronesium. Enter DINARCHUS, from PHRONESIUM'S house. DINARCHUS I do believe that the fishes, that are always bathing as long as they live, do not take so long in bathing as this Phronesium does in bathing. If women could be loved on as long as As long as : Warner says that he does not well comprehend this passage. The meaning, however, seems to be, that if women could be courted as long a time as they took in bathing, then lovers would certainly be keeping baths, or becoming bath-men, that they might be able for so long a time to enjoy the opportunity of courting them. they take in bathing, all lovers would be becoming bath-keepers. ASTAPHIUM Can't you endure waiting for a short time even?
 DINARCHUS Why, 'pon my faith, I'm wretchedly tired with waiting already. ASTAPHIUM I, as well, shall be obliged to go bathe from weariness DINARCHUS But, i' faith, Astaphium, prithee do go in-doors and tell her that I'm here. Do go at once, and persuade her that she has bathed long enough by this. ASTAPHIUM Very well. Going. DIN. And do you hear as well? ASTAPHIUM What do you want? Comes back. DIN. May the Gods confound me for calling you back. I had nothing to say to you, only do be off. ASTAPHIUM Why did you call me back then, you worthless and good-for-nothing fellow? A delay to me which has produced fully a mile's delay to you. Goes into the house of PHRONESIUM. 
 DINARCHUS to himself. But yet why was she standing here so long before the house? Some one, I don't know who, she certainly was waiting for; the Captain, I suppose. That's it; see now, how, just like vultures 
 Just like vultures : Vultures were supposed, some days beforehand, to scent out a place where a dead carcase was about to be. Pliny the Elder mentions this belief. , a whole three days beforehand they foresee on what day they are to have a feast. They're all agape for him; on him are all their minds fixed. No one will be giving any more attention to myself, when he comes, than if I had been dead two hundred years ago. How delightful a thing it is to keep one's money! Ah wretched me! after it's done I'm punished, who lost what I once had. But now, if any great and splendid fortune should chance to fall to my lot, now, after I know it, what sweets and what bitters come of money, by my troth, I'd so keep it, I'd live in a manner so sparing, that—in a few days I'd make there to be none at all. I'd then confute those who now censure me. But I perceive that this tide-like door is opening the door of PHRONESIUM'S house is opened , which sucks up whatever comes within its bolts. Enter PHRONESIUM, from her house. PHRONESIUM Please now, is my door apt to bite 
 Apt to bite : Taubmann has a notion that this remark refers to the inscription often set up in the Roman vestibules: "Cave canem," "Beware of the dog." , that you are afraid to come in, my love?
 DINARCHUS aside. Behold the spring! How all blooming it is! how fragrantly does it smell! how brightly does it shine. PHRONESIUM Why so ill-mannered, as not, on your arrival from Lemnos 
 
 From Lemnos 
 : This may be intended as a hit at the people of Lemnos, who were remarkable for their rude and unpolished manners. , to give a kiss to your mistress, my Dinarchus? DINARCHUS aside . O dear, by my troth, I'm being punished now, and most terribly— PHRONESIUM Why do you turn yourself away? DINARCHUS My greetings to you, Phronesium. PHRONESIUM Greetings to you as well. Will you dine here to-day, as you've arrived in safety? DINARCHUS I'm engaged. PHRONESIUM Where will you dine then? DINARCHUS Wherever you request me; here. PHRONESIUM You'll give me pleasure by doing so. They take their places at a collation spread before the house. 
 DINARCHUS I' troth, myself still more. You'll give me your company to-day, I suppose, my Phronesium? PHRONESIUM If it could possibly be done, I would. DINARCHUS Give me my shoes 
 Give me my shoes : "Soleas." These were a kind of slipper or sandal much in use among the Romans in the house; but it was considered effeminate to wear them in the street. They were taken off when persons reclined on the "triclinia," or couches, at meals. Dinarchus is calling to the servant to fetch his slippers, as he is going to leave the entertainment given him on his return by Phronesium. This appears to be set out on the stage in the front of the house; but there is probably some portion of the Play lost here, in which Phronesium orders it to be laid out. The last Scene in the Asinaria is somewhat similar. then—make haste, remove the table. PHRONESIUM Are you in your senses, pray? DINARCHUS By heavens, I cannot drink now; so sick at heart am I. PHRONESIUM Stay; something shall be done. Don't go. DINARCHUS Ah, you've refreshed me with cold water! My senses have now returned. Take off my shoes 
 Take off my shoes : This he says to the servant whose duty it was to take off the slippers of the guests before they reclined. Limiers suggests, most probably incorrectly, that this is going on inside of Phronesium's house, and that the door is opened wide, so that the Audience can see in. ; give me something to drink. PHRONESIUM By my faith, you are just the same that you used to be. But tell me, have you sped successfully? DINARCHUS I' troth, successfully enough, indeed, hither to you, inasmuch as I enjoy the opportunity of seeing you. PHRONESIUM Embrace me then. DINARCHUS With pleasure. He embraces her.) Oil, this is honey sweeter than sweet honey In this, Jove, my fortune does exceed thine own! PHRONESIUM Won't you give me a kiss? DINARCHUS Aye, ten even. Kisses her. 
 PHRONESIUM You are not niggardly in that. You promise more than I ask of you. Turns away her head. 
 DINARCHUS I only wish that from the first I had been as sparing of my property, as you are now thrifty of your kisses. PHRONESIUM If I could possibly cause you any saving, i' troth, I could wish it done. DINARCHUS Have you bathed then? PHRONESIUM I' troth, indeed I have then, to my own satisfaction and that of my eyes. Do I seem to be loathsome to you? DINARCHUS I' faith, not to myself indeed; but I remember that there was once a time when between ourselves we were loathsome 
 Were loathsome : "Sorderemus unus alteri;" he to her because 'he had spent all his money, she to him for her covetousness and ill- nature. , the one to the other. But what doing of yours is this I've heard upon my arrival? What new matter have you been scheming here in my absence? PHRONESIUM Why, what is it? DINARCHUS In the first place, that you've been blessed with children, and that you've safely got over it, I'm delighted. PHRONESIUM to some ATTENDANTS near the door . Go you away from there into the house, and shut the door. They go in, and shut the door. You now alone are left to be present at my communication; to you I've ever entrusted my designs. For my own part, I've neither had any child nor have I been pregnant; but I've pretended that I was pregnant; I wasn't though. DINARCHUS For what reason, O my life? PHRONESIUM On account of a Babylonian Captain, who kept me as though his wife for a year, while he was here. DINARCHUS That I knew. But what means this? For what purpose was your design in pretending this? PHRONESIUM That there might be a certain bond and tie 
 And tie : "Redimiculum." The "redimicula" were, properly strings or ribbons which fell on the shoulders from the "mitra" or headdress of females, and were probably used for the purpose of tying it under the chin. They hung down on each side, over the breast. for him to be returning to me again. Now he has lately sent me a letter hither, that he'll make trial how much I value him. If I should raise and bring up the child which I should bear, that then I should have all his property. DINARCHUS I listen with pleasure. In fine, what is it you are contriving? PHRONESIUM My mother ordered the servant-maids, since now the tenth month is arriving close at hand, each to go in some different direction, to seek out and bespeak a boy or a girl, to be passed off as my own. Why need I make many words? You know Syra , the female hair-dresser 
 The female hair-dresser : "Tonstricem." Warner translates the word "tonstrix," "tire-woman;" but the real meaning is, "a female hair-dresser" or "barber." They were women who used to cut the hair and pare the nails of females. , who now lives hard by our house? DINARCHUS I know her. PHRONESIUM She, with the utmost care, went about among the families, and secretly found out a child, and brought it to me. She said it was given to her. DINARCHUS O shocking traffic! She then hasn't borne this child who at first did bear it, but you who come afterwards. PHRONESIUM You have the whole matter in its order. Now, as the Captain has sent a message before to me, he'll be here no long time hence. DINARCHUS Now, in the mean time, you are treating yourself here as though one who had just lain in? PHRONESIUM Why not, when, without trouble, the matter can be nicely managed? It's proper that every one should be alive at his own trade. DINARCHUS What's to become of me when the Captain comes? Forsaken, can I live without you? PHRONESIUM When I've got from him that which I want, I shall easily find a way how to create discord and a separation between us; after that, my delight, I shall be always at your side. DINARCHUS Aye, faith, but I'd rather it were at my couch 
 At my couch : "Adcubuo." There is a play on the resemblance of this word to that used by her, "adsiduo," "at your side." . PHRONESIUM Moreover, I wish to sacrifice to-day to the Deities for the child, on this the fifth day 
 On this the fifth day : The Greeks sacrificed to the Gods and named their children on the fifth day after their birth; the Romans on the ninth, if a male, on the eighth, if a female. , as is proper to be done. DINARCHUS I think you ought. PHRONESIUM Can't you venture to give me some trifling present?
 DINARCHUS Upon my faith, my delight, I seem to be making a gain for myself when you ask anything of me. PHRONESIUM aside . And I, when I've got it. DINARCHUS I'll take care it shall be here just now. I'll send my servant hither. PHRONESIUM Do so. DINARCHUS But whatever it shall be, do take it in good part. PHRONESIUM I troth, I'm sure that you'll give all attention to your present, of which I shan't be ashamed so long as you send it to me. DINARCHUS Do you wish anything else of me? PHRONESIUM That, when you have leisure, you'll come again to see me. DINARCHUS Fare you well. PHRONESIUM Farewell. Goes into her house. 
 DINARCHUS to himself . O immortal Gods! 'twere the part not of a woman in love, but of a partner of kindred feelings and confiding, to do what she just now has done for me, in disclosing to me the palming of the child upon the Captain,—a thing that a sister entrusts not to her own born sister. She discloses herself now to me from her very soul, that she will never prove faithless to me so long as she exists. Ought I not to love her? Ought I not to wish her well? I'll rather not love myself, than that love should be wanting for her. Shall I not send her a present? This instant, then, I'll order five minæ to be brought to her from my house, besides catering to the amount of a mina at least. Much rather shall kindness be shown to her who wishes kindly to me, than to myself, who do every mischief to myself. (Exit.) 
 Enter PHRONESIUM, from her house. PHRONESIUM speaking at the door to the SERVANTS within . Give the breast to that child. To herself, coming forward. How wretchedly and anxiously are mothers 
 Anxiously are mothers : This, of course, she says ironically, with a smile on her face. distressed in mind. I' faith, 'twas craftily contrived; and when I revolve this matter in my mind, we are accounted to be much less artful than we naturally are in disposition. I'm now speaking of what, but lately, for the first time, I've been taught at home; how great is my anxiety of mind, what pangs I do feel in my heart, lest through the death of the child the plot should fail. Because I'm styled its mother, for that reason am I the more anxious for its life, who have ventured thus secretly to attempt a stratagem so great. In my avarice, for the sake of gain, have I entered on this disgraceful scheme; the pangs of others have I falsely shammed for myself. You must attempt nothing by craftiness, unless you would carry it out with cunning and with care. To the AUDIENCE. You yourselves now see in what garb In what garb : She alludes to the dress she is wearing— that of a woman who has just lain in. I go; I'm now pretending that I'm an invalid from having lain in. A thing that a woman attempts to do in fraud, unless she is perfect in carrying it out, that same is as bad as disease to her, that same is as bad as old age to her, that to her, wretched creature, is wretchedness: if she begins to do what's right, soon does weariness of it overtake her. How very few are tired who have commenced to do what's wrong; how very few carry it out, if they have commenced to do anything aright. To a female it is a much less burden to do bad than good. In that I'm an artful one, through the agency of my mother 
 Agency of my mother : This may, perhaps, mean the Procuress who had instructed her in her evil ways. These wretches were generally thus called by their disciples. and my own artful disposition am I artful, who have thus feigned to the Babylonian Captain that I am pregnant. I wish now the Captain may find this artful plot concocted well. He'll be here no long time hence, I suppose; forewarned of that I'm now forearmed, and I'm wearing this garb, as though I had just lain in in pregnancy. Calls to the SERVANTS within. Bring me hither some myrrh and fire for the altar, that I may pay adoration to my Lucina. They bring it. Place it here pointing to an altar near the door , and go out of my sight. Ho there! Pithecium, help me to lay me down. Come hither; thus is it proper to help one who has just lain in. A couch is brought in by ASTAPHIUM and two HANDMAIDS, and she lays herself down. Take off my sandals; throw a coverlet here over me, Archylis. Astaphium, where are you? Bring me hither, holy herbs, frankincense, and sweetmeats. Bring water for my hands. The SERVANTS go and fetch the things as ordered. Now, i' faith, I could wish that the Captain should come. The SERVANTS stand aside. 
 Enter STRATOPHANES, at a distance, followed by a SERVANT and several FEMALE SLAVES. STRATOPHANES to the AUDIENCE . Don't you be expecting, Spectators, that I should recount my combats; with my hands in battle I'm wont to recount them, and not in words. I know that many a soldier have told lies; both the Homeric poetlings Homeric poetlings : By. "Homeronidæ," he probably means "wretched imitators of Homer." , and a thousand others besides them could be named, who have been both convicted and condemned for their sham battles. He's not to be commended who trusts another any further than he sees. It pleases me not when those commend more who hear than those who see; of more value is one eye-witness than ten hearsays. Those who hear, speak of what they've heard; those who see, know beyond mistake. I like him not whom the town-gossips Whom the town-gossips : He does not admire those would-be heroes whose praises are in the mouths of the gossips about town (scurræ), but whose achievements are never witnessed by the soldiers who serve under their command (manipulares). are praising, and the men of his maniple are mum about; nor yet those whose tongues at home make blunt the edge 
 Make blunt the edge : This remark might, perhaps, with some justice he applied to some of the senators of modern times; whose fault it certainly is not if their tongues fail to blunt the edge of the swords of their countrymen when fighting the battles of their fellow-citizens "who live at home at ease." of our swords. The valiant are much more serviceable to the public than the eloquent and skilled. Valour easily finds for itself a fluent eloquence; without valour, for my own part, I esteem an eloquent citizen as a hired mourner 
 A hired mourner : The "præficæ" were the women who chanted the "nænia " See the Note to l. 213. , who praises other people, but can't do the same for herself. Now, after ten months, am I come to Athens of Attica to see my mistress, how she gets on, whom I left pregnant by my embrace. PHRONESIUM raising herself on the couch, and speaking to ASTAPHIUM . See who's talking. ASTAPHIUM coming forward, and looking about . The Captain's now close at hand, my mistress Phronesium: Stratophanes is coming to you. In a low voice. Now is it requisite for you to pretend yourself an invalid. PHRONESIUM in a low voice . Hold your tongue. What, the plague, de I want you for as an adviser in this matter? Is it possible to excel myself in craftiness? STRATOPHANES to himself . Madam's brought to bed, as I fancy. ASTAPHIUM it a low voice . Would you like me to accost the gentleman? PHRONESIUM I wish you. ASTAPHIUM moves forward. 
 STRATOPHANES O delightful! Why, see, here's Astaphium coming to meet me. ASTAPHIUM affecting surprise . By all the powers! welcome to you, Stratophanes, that you're safe arrived— STRATOPHANES I know it all. But, prithee, has Phronesium been brought to bed? ASTAPHIUM She has been delivered of a very fine boy. STRATOPHANES Is it like me at all? ASTAPHIUM Do you ask the question? Why, the moment it was born, it asked for a sabre and shield for itself. STRATOPHANES It's my own; I know it at once from the proofs. ASTAPHIUM Indeed it is extremely like you. STRATOPHANES Ye Gods above! Is it of full growth already? Has it already chosen some army which it intends to plunder? ASTAPHIUM Why really, it was only born five days ago. STRATOPHANES What then, after it was born? After so many days, i' faith, something really ought by this time to have been done. What business had it to leave the womb before it could go forth to battle? ASTAPHIUM Follow me, and wish her joy, and congratulate her. STRATOPHANES I follow. They move to the other side of the stage. 
 PHRONESIUM in a faint voice . Prithee, where is she who has left me here and forsaken me? AST. I'm here; I'm bringing you Stratophanes, so much longed for by you. PHRONESIUM Prithee, where is he? STRATOPHANES going close to the couch . Mars, on his arrival from abroad, salutes Neriene his spouse Nerien his spouse : Aulus Gellius also mentions Neria, or Neriene as the wife of Mars. . Since you've well got over it, and since you've been blest with offspring, I congratulate you in that you have given birth to a great glory to me and to yourself. PHRONESIUM Welcome to you, you who have almost deprived me of life and light; and who have, for your own gratification, centred in my body the cause of great anguish, with the pangs of which I'm even now dreadfully afflicted. STRATOPHANES Well, well; not to your misfortune, my love, do these pains befall you. You've brought forth a son who'll be filling your house with plunder. PHRONESIUM By the powers, there's very much greater need to have our granaries well filled with wheat; lest, before he takes the plunder, hunger should be putting an end to us here. STRATOPHANES Be of good heart. PHRONESIUM Do, please, take a kiss from me here. I cannot lift up my head; such pain I've felt, and in such pain I now am; and I cannot as yet, of my own strength, walk upon my feet. STRATOPHANES stooping down, and kissing her . If, right from the middle of the sea, you were to order me to take a kiss from you, I would not hesitate to fetch it, my sweet. You've experienced it already so to be; and now shall you experience it, my Phronesium, that I do dote upon you. Pointing to a distance behind him. See there, I've brought you two female slaves from Syria ; I present you with them. To a SERVANT behind him. Do you bring those women this way. Now, these were both of them queens at their own homes; but with my own hand I laid waste their country, I present you with them. Handing them forward to her. 
 PHRONESIUM Are you dissatisfied with the number of female slaves I have already, that you must be still making additions to the number, to be devouring food for me? STRATOPHANES I' troth, if this indeed isn't acceptable to you, you boy beckoning to the SERVANT , do you give me that bag. See here, my love, I've brought this mantle from Panchæa 
 From Panchæa : Panchæa was a district of Arabia Felix, which was said to produce frankincense. for you. Take it for yourself. He presents it to her. 
 PHRONESIUM What, is so little as this to be given me in return for pain so great? STRATOPHANES aside . I' faith, to my misfortune, I'm undone! My son's already costing me his weight in gold. To PHRONESIUM. Do you still set such little value on me? I've brought you a purple garment from Sarra 
 From Sarra : Sarra was a name of the city of Tyre , which was so called from the "murex," or shell-fish, from which the Tyrian purple was extracted, and which, in the Phoenician language, was called by that name. , and two pretty ones from Pontus . Takes the garments from the SERVANT, and presents them. Take this for yourself, my love. To the SERVANT. Take those Syrian women hence out of my sight. The SERVANT takes them into the house. Do you love me at all?
 PHRONESIUM Not at all, i' faith; nor do you deserve it. STRATOPHANES aside . What, is nothing enough for her? Really, to myself she hasn't even said one word. I do believe that these presents would sell for more than twenty minæ, which I have given her. Now she's desperately enraged with me I perceive and understand it; but I'll address her still. To PHRONESIUM. What say you then? Do you wish me, my love, to go to dinner where I was invited, and after that to return hither to your house to sleep? Why are you silent? Aside. I' troth, beyond a doubt, I'm undone. But what fine affair is this? Who's this fellow that's leading such a long train? I'm resolved to watch whither they are taking it. It's being brought to her, I do believe; but I'll soon know more. He stands at a distance. 
 Enter GETA, at a distance, followed by SLAVES with presents from DINARCHUS. GETA Get on, get on this way together with you, mules laden with money only to be squandered, you emptyers out of the house, you carriers off of property by waggon-loads! To the AUDIENCE. And can't he who is in love do without being good for nought, and cleaning himself out by his disgraceful practices? But how I know this, don't any one be asking that of me; we've a lover at home, who's engaged in disgraceful pursuits; who esteems property just as dung: he's in dread of the public officers 
 The public officers : "Publicos," "the public officers." He alludes to the Ædiles, whose duty it was to see that the streets and houses were kept clean and free from nuisances. ; most cleanly in his ways is he. He wishes his house to be cleaned out; whatever he has at home, it's swept completely "dehors 
 Dehors : In the text, ἔζω. The Greek word is used just in the way we should employ the French word "dehors," of like meaning. ." Since he himself is sending his own self to ruin, for my part, i' faith, I'll help him by stealth, and not through my assistance, indeed, shall he be ruined e'en a bit the less speedily than he may. For now from these provisions, from the one mina I've just now abstracted five didrachms; I've deducted for myself the Herculean share 
 Herculean share : "Herculaneam." The share of Hercules, which was the tithe or tenth. From this passage it is clear, beyond all doubt, that "nummus" means a "didrachm," as he makes five of them the tenth part of a "mina," which consisted of one hundred drachmæ. . But this is just like as though a person should turn off a stream for himself from a river; if it is not turned off into a channel, still all that water would go into the sea. For this is going into the sea, and is being utterly wasted to no good purpose whatever. When I see these things going on, I pilfer, I purloin, from plunder I plunder take. I take a harlot to be just like what the sea is; what you give her she swallows down, and yet never overflows. But this at least the sea does preserve; what's in it is seen. Give her as much as ever you please, it's never seen either by the giver or the acceptor. For instance, this harlot by her blandishments has reduced my poor master to poverty; has robbed him of fortune, life, honor, and friends. Catching sight of her. Heyday! why look, she's close by. I do think she has heard me saying all this. She's pale, as she has been delivered of a child. I'll address her, as though I didn't know her. Addressing PHRONESIUM. I present you my respects. PHRONESIUM Our Geta, what is it you're about? How are you? GETA I'm well, and I'm come to one who's not so well, and I'm bringing something with which she may get well. My master, the apple of your eye, bade me bring these presents to you, which you see those persons carrying, and these five minæ of silver. PHRONESIUM I' faith, it's not thrown away, that I'm so very fond of him. GETA He bade me beg that you would accept these in kind part. PHRONESIUM I' troth, I do accept them kindly and thankfully. To CYAMUS, who comes out of the house. Go, Cyamus, and order them to be taken in-doors. Do you hear at all this which has been ordered? The SERVANTS take up the things. 
 GETA I don't want them to take away the vessels; I'd like to have them emptied. PHRONESIUM An impudent fellow, i' faith, how busy he is. GETA What? do you say that I'm impudent, you who yourself are a receptacle of villany? PHRONESIUM Tell me, I beg of you, where is Dinarchus? GETA At home. PHRONESIUM Tell him, that, for these presents which he has sent me, I love him the most of all men, and that in return I hold him in the highest esteem of all, and entreat that he will come hither to me. GETA This instant. But who's that person, pray (looking towards STRATOPHANES) , that's devouring himself 
 Devouring himself : Either he means, that, to judge from his looks, he is feeding upon his spleen; or else, the Captain is standing on one side, gnawing his finger-nails from vexation. , scowling with malignant eyes I' faith, the man's distressed in his mind, whoever he is. PHRONESIUM I' troth, he's deserving of it. GETA What's the matter? PHRONESIUM Prithee, don't you know? He that's yonder used to live with me; he, there, is the father of my child. He ordered it to be brought up till about a before-daylight breakfast 
 Before-daylight breakfast : This passage is probably in a corrupt state. If it is not, her meaning seems to be, that the Captain didn't care much about his child, but took care about its support for a very short period, and no longer. Perhaps, as "jentaculum" meant "an early meal, taken before daylight," she may intend to hint that the Captain, on hearing of her pregnancy, interested himself in her offspring, and contributed to her support and that of the child in the embryo state; but that after it came to light, and required a meal (to speak figuratively), beyond the period of the "jentaculum," he took no notice of it, but was ready to allow it to starve. . I waited his coming, I listened to his injunctions; I attended to the child. GETA The good-for-nothing fellow that I knew so well, prithee, is that he? PHRONESIUM That's he. GETA He looks at me as he groans. He heaved a sigh from the very bottom of his breast. Observe that now; he gnashes his teeth; he strikes his thigh. Prithee, is he deranged 
 Is he deranged : "Hariolus." Literally, "a soothsayer," or "diviner." In their prophetic frenzy, these persons often had the appearance of being mad, and were so considered. , that he's beating his own self? STRATOPHANES coming forward . Now will I at once summon up my ungovernable indignation and my wrath from my breast! To GETA. Say, whence are you? To whom do you belong? Why have you dared to speak rudely against me? GETA It's my pleasure. STRATOPHANES Do you answer me in that way? GETA In this way snaps his fingers ; I don't care one straw for you. STRATOPHANES to PHRONESIUM. What say you? Why have you dared to say that you love another man? PHRONESIUM I chose to. STRATOPHANES Say you so, indeed? I'll first make trial of that. Do you, for the sake of such a shabby present, vegetables, and comestibles, and vinegar-water, bestow your love upon an effeminate, frizzle-pated, dark-haunt frequenting, drum-drubbing debauchee 
 Drum-drubbing debauchee : "Typanotriba." Literally, "drum," or "tambourine beater." He alludes to the eunuch-priests of Cybele, who used to beat tambourines in her procession-probably in allusion to debauchees, emasculated by riot and dissipation. , a fellow not worth a nutshell? GETA What new thing's this? Do you dare, you rogue, to speak ill of my master, you spring-head of vice and perjury? STRATOPHANES Add a single word to that; by the powers, I'll that instant here with this cut you up into mincemeat upon the spot. Shaking his sword at him. 
 GETA Only touch me; I'll that instant be making a lamb of you on the spot, and I'll slice you asunder in the middle. If you have the renown of a warrior with your troops, still I'm a Mars 
 A Mars : In the text "Ares." This was the Greek name of Mars the God of War. in the kitchen. PHRONESIUM to STRATOPHANES. If you did the thing that's right, you'd not be abusing my visitors, whose gifts I hold as acceptable and pleasing, and your own which I have received of you as unacceptable. STRATOPHANES Then, i' faith, I'm both deprived of my presents and undone as well! GETA Clearly it is so. PHRONESIUM Why then are you now here, with your annoyance, who confess that you are worsted in every point? STRATOPHANES aside . I' faith, I'm this day undone, if I don't drive this fellow away from you. He approaches GETA. GETA holding up his fist . Only approach this way; only step this way! STRATOPHANES Scoundrelly fellow, threatening even? Whom this very, very, very instant I'll be chopping up into splinters. What business have you coming here? What business have you to approach her? Pointing to PHRONESIUM. What business have you, I say, to be knowing my mistress? You shall die this instant if you make the slightest movement with your hand. GETA Why shouldn't I move my hand? STRATOPHANES Do as I commanded; stop; I'll this instant cut you up into mincemeat on the spot.
 GETA aside . I'm done for. STRATOPHANES 'Twere best to be off. GETA It's a ticklish point; you have a longer sword there than this is pointing to a knife in his girdle ; but just let me go seek a spit, if indeed I must be having a battle with you. I'll be off home. Warrior, for me and you I'll choose an impartial judge. Aside. But why am I delaying to betake myself off hence, while with a safe inside I may? (Exit.) 
 PHRONESIUM and STRATOPHANES. PHRONESIUM to her SERVANTS . Give me my sandals My sandals : She gets up from the couch where she has been reclining before her house, and calls for her sandals. Sandals were generally worn by women alone, and the use of them in public by the other sex was regarded as effeminate Cicero censures Verres and Clodius for wearing them. , and take me at once in-doors; for my head aches shockingly from the air. STRATOPHANES What's to become of me, to whom the two female slaves cause ache enough, with which I presented you? PHRONESIUM is led into the house. Are you off then? Well thus one's used in return. How can you possibly shut me out, The door is slammed to. Prithee, can anything be more clear than that I'm now shut out? I'm finely fooled. Be it so. With how little difficulty placing his foot against the door might I now be persuaded to break the ankles of this entire mansion! Do the manners of covetous women change at all? Since she has brought forth a son, she has plucked her spirit up. Now it's as though she said to me, "I neither ask you nor forbid you to come into the house." But I won't—I shan't go—I'll make her to be saying in a very few days that I'm a cruel man. To his ATTENDANTS. Follow me this way. A word's enough. (Exit.) 
 Enter STRABAX. STRABAX to himself . One morning a short time since my father ordered me to go hence, to deal out the mast for food for the oxen. After I got there a person arrived at the farmhouse (so it pleased the Gods), who was owing money to my father, who had formerly purchased some Tarentine sheep of my father; he asked for my father; I said he was in the city; I enquired what he wanted with him. The fellow takes a purse from off his neck, and gives me twenty minæ; with pleasure I receive them, and stow them in my purse; these bad sheep 
 These bad sheep : "Perperas." Literally, "worthless," as having no fleece on them. He is alluding to the common pun upon "mina," the sum of money so denominated, and "mina," the sheep that had no fleece on the belly and he calls the former by the latter appellation. See the Pseudolus, l. 329, and the Bacchides, l. 1129, and the Notes. , the minæ, have I brought in my purse hither to the city. By my troth, Mars has proved very angry with my father; for his sheep are not very far away from the wolves 
 Far away from the wolves : Still calling the money "oves," "sheep," he says that they are not far off from the wolves—alluding to Phronesium, for whom they were destined by him. The pun is improved by the fact that Courtesans were frequently termed "lupæ," "she-wolves." He not improbably mentions Mars, because he was the father of Romuius and Remus, and might be supposed to be indebted to the she-wolf for suckling his children, when exposed by the order of Amulius. . Now, with this one stroke shall I send adrift those finical town gallants, and be bundling them all out of doors. My father, in the first place, I'm quite resolved to ruin, root and branch; then next in turn, my mother. Now to-day I'll carry this money to her whom I love more than my own mother. Goes towards the door of PHRONESIUM, and knocks. Hillo there—is any one here? There's not a woman. Is any one going to open this door?
 opens the door. 
 ASTAPHIUM Why so a stranger, pray, my dear Strabax? Why don't you come in at once? Ought you to have been doing so, you, indeed, who are so intimate? STRABAX I'll go in then, that you mayn't think I'm loitering. Goes into the house. 
 ASTAPHIUM You act obligingly. Enter STRATILAX. STRATILAX to himself . It seems marvellous to me, that Strabax, my master's son, hasn't returned from the country, unless perchance he has slily slipt in here into this den of corruption of his. ASTAPHIUM aside . Now, faith, he'll be roaring at me if he espies me. STRATILAX I'm much less savage now, Astaphium, than I was before; I'm not churlish now; don't thee fear. She runs to a distance. What wouldst thee be at? What? ASTAPHIUM What, say you? Why, I'm waiting for your churlishness. STRATILAX Say, command me what thee dost please, and in what way thee dost please. I've got all my manners anew: my old ones I've parted with. I can e'en fall in love, or take a mistress now. ASTAPHIUM Upon my faith, you do tell me fine news. But tell me, have you— ? STRATILAX A mistress 
 A mistress : "Parasitum." This word, if the correct reading, cannot mean anything else than "a mistress" here, in which sense Lambinus asserts that it was sometimes used. If that is not the case, we must be content to agree with Schmieder, that the passage is corrupt. , perhaps, thee means. ASTAPHIUM You've understood nicely what I meant to say. STRATILAX Hark you, since I've been so many times backwards and forwards to the city, I've become quite a chatterer; I'm now a right good stalkers 
 Right good stalker : He means to say "cavillator," a "chatterer;" but instead thereof, mispronouncing the word, he calls it "caullator," which was perhapspa word of no meaning; it has been translated "stalker," from its resemblance to "caulis," "a stalk." . ASTAPHIUM Prithee, what's that? That's nonsense; perhaps you intend to mean "talking." STRATILAX Just so; it differs mighty little from stalking. ASTAPHIUM Prithee, do follow me in-doors, my love. STRATILAX holding out some money to her . Take this for thyself; keep it as a ledger As a ledger : In his bungling, he calls "arrhabo," a "pledge" or "earnest," "rhabo," which had no meaning. Of course this cannot be literally translated, but something tantamount is given in the Translation, in order to convey the spirit, by making him miscall "pledge" "ledger." for thee, that thee mayst give me thy company this night. ASTAPHIUM taking the money . You are the death of me, with your "ledger." What kind of beast am I to say that is? Thy don't you say "pledge?" STRATILAX The "r" I make a saving of; just as the Prænestines 
 The Prænestines : In the Trinummus, l. 609, he jokes at the expense of the people of Præneste, for using the expression "tammodo." Here he says that they were in the habit of calling "ciconia," a "stork," "conia." They are also alluded to, apparently as braggarts, in the Fragment at the beginning of the Bacchides. have "conia," for "ciconia."
 ASTAPHIUM Prithee, do follow me. STRATILAX I'll wait here a little for Strabax, till he comes from the farm. ASTAPHIUM Why, Strabax is at our house. He has just come from the farm. STRATILAX What, before he went to his own mother? Alas, the man's worth nought, i' faith. ASTAPHIUM What now, your old habit? STRATILAX Well, I'll say nought. ASTAPHIUM Prithee, do come indoors. Give me your hand. Takes his hand. 
 STRATILAX Well, take it. To the AUDIENCE. I'm being led off into a public-house, where I shall be but poorly entertained for my money. They go into the house of PHRONESIUM. 
 Enter DINARCHUS. DIN, to himself . There's not a person born, nor will there be born, nor can there be found one, to whom I would now wish praises to be given, or on whom attentions bestowed, rather than on Venus. Ye great Gods, how joyous I am, and how I'm transported with joyousness! Such great tidings of joy has Cyamus brought to me this day; that my presents have been esteemed and deemed acceptable by Phronesium. While this now is a delight, then besides this in especial is rare honey-drink to me, that the Captain's presents are held as disagreable and not acceptable. I'm all enraptured! The ball's my own the ball's my own : "Mea pila est." A figure derived from the game of bandy-ball, which appears to have been played by striking the ball with the fists, as we do with the feet. See the Rudens, l. 721, and the Note. W have a similar proverbial saying: "He has the ball at his foot." ; if the Captain's sent adrift, the woman will be mine. I'm saved, because I'm going to ruin; if I didn't go to ruin, it's clear I should die. Now I'll keep watch, what's going on there, who goes into the house, who comes out of doors; from here at a distance will I observe what is to be my lot. Because I've got nothing, my feelings remind me of one thing; I'll do everything by begging. Enter ASTAPHIUM, from the house of PHRONESIUM. ASTAPHIUM speaking to her MISTRESS as she comes out . I'll cleverly do my duty, mistress; do you only take care that in-doors you do yours as well; love that which you ought, your own interest; clean that fellow thoroughly out. Now, while it pleases the fellow, while he has got something, adapt the opportunity to that purpose. Display all your charms to your lover that you may heighten his joys. I meantime will stay here behind and watch at this door so long as he is thus transporting his presents home to you; nor, in the meantime, will I admit any one from there to you who may cause you annoyance. Do you go on, just as you please. Are you not diddling these fellows? DINARCHUS How now, Astaphium, tell me, who is this fellow that's on the road to ruin? ASTAPHIUM Prithee, were you here? DINARCHUS What—am I troublesome? ASTAPHIUM More now than you were; for unless a person is of use to us, he is troublesome to us. But, prithee, do lend me your attention, that I may say what I want. DINARCHUS Why, what is it? Does it concern myself? ASTAPHIUM Not a rap. But what hauls he is making present of m-doors. DINARCHUS How? Some new lover? ASTAPHIUM A fresh one, and a brimming treasure she has hit upon. DINARCHUS Who is he? ASTAPHIUM I'll tell you, but you be mum. Don't you know this Strabax? Pointing to his FATHER'S house. 
 DINARCHUS Why shouldn't I? ASTAPHIUM He alone rules the roast here at our house. He just now is a landed estate to us. With right good spirit is he wantonly wasting away his property. DINARCHUS He's on the road to ruin; i' faith, I, too, have come to ruin. ASTAPHIUM You are a simpleton, to expect with words to make undone what is done. DINARCHUS Even Thetis, too, in weeping, made lamentation for her son. Can I not now be admitted in-doors to your house? ASTAPHIUM Why so rather than the Captain? DINARCHUS Why, because I've given more. ASTAPHIUM But you were admitted more, when you were giving more; let those who give, in return for that which they give, enjoy our services. You've learnt your letters; since you know them yourself, let others learn them. DINARCHUS Let them learn, so long as it is allowed me to con my lesson, that I may not forget what I have paid for.
 ASTAPHIUM In the meantime, while you, who are a master, shall be conning your lesson, she, as well, is desirous to con hers. DINARCHUS How so? ASTAPHIUM In receiving money ever and anon. DINARCHUS For my own part, this very day I gave five minæ of silver to be carried to her, besides one for provisions. ASTAPHIUM I know that the same was brought; with it we are now enjoying ourselves upon your liberality. DINARCHUS For these enemies of mine here to be devouring my property! By heavens, I'd rather that I were dead than submit to that! ASTAPHIUM You are a simpleton. DINARCHUS How's that? ASTAPHIUM Wait. DINARCHUS Why so? ASTAPHIUM Because, I' troth, I'd rather that my enemies should envy me, than I my enemies; for to envy because it goes well with another, and goes badly with yourself, is wretchedness. Those who are envious, are in want; they who are envied, possess property. DINARCHUS May I not be a partaker of the provisions bought with the mina? ASTAPHIUM If you wanted to be a partaker, you should have taken half home. For here an account of the receipts is entered just as at Acheron; we take in-doors; when it's got by us, it can't be carried out of doors. Turning on her heel. Kindly farewell. DINARCHUS catching hold of her . Do stay. ASTAPHIUM struggling . Let me go! Leave off! DINARCHUS Do let me go in. ASTAPHIUM Yes, to your own house, DINARCHUS Aye, but here into your house. ASTAPHIUM You cannot go. DINARCHUS I can, very well. Do let me try. ASTAPHIUM No, wait here; it's sheer violence to try. I'd say that you are here, if she wasn't engaged. Runs to the door. 
 DINARCHUS Ha! Do stop! ASTAPHIUM It's of no use, DINARCHUS Are you going to return or not? ASTAPHIUM I'd return, but a voice is calling me that has more influence with me than you have. DINARCHUS In one word I'll say it. You'll receive me? ASTAPHIUM You are telling a lie—be off. One word, you said; but now three words have you uttered, and those untrue. Goes into the house, and shuts the door. 
 DINARCHUS to himself . She's off, and she's gone hence in- doors That I should endure these things to be done to me. By heavens, enticer, with my cries I'll be exposing you to ridicule in the street, you who, contrary to law, have received money from many a one. Upon my faith, I'll forthwith cause your name to be before every magistrate Before every magistrate : He probably alludes to the Prætor and the Triumviri; which last magistrates had especial jurisdiction over the conduct of courtesans. , and after that I'll sue you for fourfold Sue you for fourfold : He will sue her for a fourfold return, which, in cases of fraud and extortion, a person was sometimes condemned to make. , you sorceress, you kidnapper of children. By the powers, I'll now disclose all your disgraceful deeds. Worthless creature that I am, who have lost everything I had! I'm become desperate, and now I haven't the slightest bit of concern what shoes I wear What shoes I wear : The Romans were very particular as to their dress in the street, and they were especially careful not to wear the shoes which they used in-doors, nor such as were too big, or fitted loosely to the feet. Ovid says, in the Art of Love, B, 1. l. 516, "let not your foot wallop about, losing itself in the shoe, down at heel," enjoining the men to be careful on this point. The expression is used figuratively here, signifying that he will throw off all regard for appearances. . But why am I trying here? What, suppose she were to order me to be let in? I could swear in solemn form that I wouldn't do it if she wished. It's nonsense. If you thump a goad with your fists, your hands are hurt the most. It's no good to be angry at a thing of nothing; a creature that doesn't value you a straw. Starting. But what's this? O immortal Gods, I see old Callicles, him who was my connexion by marriage 
 Was my connexion by marriage : He probably calls him "adfinis," or "connexion," from the fact of himself having been formerly betrothed to his daughter. , bringing two female slaves in bonds, the one the hair-dresser of this Phronesium, the other his own servant-maid. I'm greatly alarmed! inasmuch as one care has so recently taken possession of my heart, I'm afraid lest all my former misdeeds should be discovered. Stands aside. 
 Enter CALLICLES, attended by SLAVES, with his MAID-SERVANT and SYRA, bound. CALLICLES to his SERVANT . Do I use ill language to you, or do I wish you so very ill? According to my ideas, you have both pretty well experienced how mild and gentle a person I am. I interrogated you both, as you were lashed and hanging up by the arms; I well remember it; the way in which you quite confessed each point, I know. Here now, I wish in the same way to learn; do you confess without a punishment. Although you are both of you of the serpent nature, I tell you beforehand, you mustn't be having double tongues, lest with your two tongues I should be putting you to death; unless, perhaps, you wish to be taken to the men who go clink, clink Men who go clink, clink : " Tintinnaculos." The executioners or torturers are so called, either from their putting fetters on the persons to be punished, or else from their fastening bells (tintinnabula) upon them, to prevent their running away. . A MAID-SERVANT of Callicles. Violence forces me to confess the truth; the thongs do so gall my arms. CALLICLES But, if you confess the truth to me, you shall be relieved from the chains. DINARCHUS apart . Even now, what's the matter, I'm at a loss to know and uncertain; except that still I'm afraid. SYRA What I've done wrong I know not. CALLICLES First of all, then, you stand apart. They stand apart. Aye, so; that's what I mean; that you mayn't be making signs between you, I'll be a party-wall. To his MAID-SERVANT. Speak you. A MAID-SERVANT of Callicles. What am I to speak about? CALLICLES What was done with the child that my daughter was delivered of? My grandchild, I mean? Tell me the circumstances of the case. A MAID-SERVANT of Callicles. I gave it to her. Pointing to SYRA. 
 CALLICLES to the MAID-SERVANT . Now hold your tongue. To SYRA. Did you receive the child from her? SYRA I did receive it. CALLICLES to SYRA . Hold your tongue; I want no more; you've confessed enough. SYRA I'm not going to deny it. CALLICLES By this you've now caused some relief for your shoulder-blades. So far, the account of each of them tallies. DINARCHUS apart . Ah wretched me! my doings are now being disclosed, which I hoped would be concealed. CALLICLES to the MAID-SERVANT . Speak, you. Who bade you give the child to her? A MAID-SERVANT of Callicles. My elder mistress. CALLICLES to SYRA. . What say you? Why did you receive it?
 SYRA My young mistress entreated me that the child might be brought, and that all this might remain secret. CALLICLES to SYRA . Speak, you. What did you do with this child? SYRA I took it to my mistress. CALLICLES What did your mistress do with this child? SYRA Gave it at once to my mistress. CALLICLES Plague on it, to what mistress? A MAID-SERVANT of Callicles. There are two of them. CALLICLES to the MAID . Take you care, unless I ask you anything, only to answer that which I ask of you. SYRA The mother, I say, made a present of it to the daughter. CALLICLES You are saying more than you did just now. SYRA You are asking more. CALLICLES Answer me quickly; what did she do, to whom it was given? Tell me. SYRA She passed it off as— CALLICLES Whose? SYRA As her own son. CALLICLES As her own son? Ye Gods, by my trust in you I do appeal to you, how much more easily does another than she to whom it belongs, bring forth another's child! She, by the labours of another, has brought forth this child without pain. A child blest indeed! two mothers it has got, and grandams two 
 And grandams two : Plautus must, of course, mean two grandmothers by the mother's side alone; otherwise there was nothing wonderful in a child having two grandmothers. . I'm now afraid how many fathers there may have been. Do see, please, the shocking deeds of women! A MAID-SERVANT of Callicles. I' troth, this fraud relates rather to the men than to the women. 'Twas a man, and not a woman, that caused her pregnancy. CALLICLES I know that too. You were a trusty guardian for it. A MAID-SERVANT of Callicles. He can do the most, who is strong the most. He was a man; he was the strongest; he prevailed; what he wanted, he carried off. CALLICLES And, i' faith, he too brought a heavy mishap, in fact, upon yourself. A MAID-SERVANT of Callicles. The thing itself experienced, I myself fully know that, even if you had held your tongue. CALLICLES Never, this day, have I been able to made you declare who he was. A MAID-SERVANT of Callicles. aside, on catching sight of DINARCHUS . I've held my tongue; but now I shan't hold my tongue, since he's here; it's necessary I should tell.
 DINARCHUS apart . I'm petrified; in my wretchedness, I dare not move myself; the matter's all out! The trial's now going on here for my life! These are my misdeeds, this is my folly. I'm in dread how soon I may be named. CALLICLES to the MAID-SERVANT . Speak out, who was it, debauched my maiden daughter? A MAID-SERVANT of Callicles. I see him near you. CALLICLES Hussy, who was it? A MAID-SERVANT of Callicles. A supporter of the wall 
 Supporter of the wall : Dinarchus, in his fright, is sneaking close to the wall. The servant espying him, sneeringly calls him "patronus parieti," "the patron" or "supporter of the wall." . DINARCHUS apart . I'm neither alive nor dead, nor know I what I am now to do; neither know I how to go away hence, nor how to accost him; I'm numbed with fear. CALLICLES Will you tell me, or no? A MAID-SERVANT of Callicles. It is Dinarchus, to whom you first betrothed her. CALLICLES looking round . Where is this person whom you mention? DINARCHUS stepping forward . Here I am, Callicles. Falling on the ground. By your knees I do entreat you that you will bear with wisdom that which was done in folly; and that you will pardon me that, which, losing my senses, I did through the bad influence of wine. CALLICLES You please me not. You throw the blame on what is dumb 
 On what is dumb : By throwing the blame on wine, that could not defend itself. , that which cannot speak. But the wine, if it could speak, would defend itself. It's not wine that's in the habit of ruling men, but men wine; those, indeed, who are virtuous men; but he who is bad, although he drinks water, or if indeed he abstains from intoxicating liquors, still, by nature he's bad. DINARCHUS Well, I'm sensible that many reproaches must be heard by me, which I would prefer not. I confess that I've offended you, and am privy to the crime. A MAID-SERVANT of Callicles. Callicles, prithee beware that you do injury to no person; the accused is pleading his cause at large, the witnesses you are keeping in bonds. CALLICLES to his SLAVES . Release those women. They are unbound. Come to each of them in turn , do you be off home, and you home as well. To SYRA. Tell your mistress this. she must give up the child, if any one asks for it.

 (SYRA goes into the house of PHRONESIUM, and exit the MAID-SERVANT.) You, Dinarchus, let's go before the judge. DINARCHUS Why do you wish me to go before the judge? You are the Prætor to me. But I entreat of you, Callicles, that you'll give me your daughter for a wife. CALLICLES I' faith, I find, indeed, that you've come to a decision on that point yourself; for you haven't waited till I gave her; you have helped yourself. Now keep her, as you've got her, but I'll fine you this grand haul; six great talents will I deduct from her dowry for this folly. DINARCHUS You act kindly towards me. CALLICLES 'Twere best for you to demand your son back from thence. Pointing to the house of PHRONESIUM. But your wife, as soon as possible, take away from my house. I shall at once, therefore, send a messenger to that kinsman of mine by marriage, and tell him to look out for another match for his son. (Exit.) 
 DINARCHUS to himself . But I'll demand back the child of her, lest by-and-by she should deny it. That's of no use; for she herself, of her own accord, has discovered the whole matter to me, how it happened. But see, right opportunely, i' faith, is she coming out of doors from her house. Assuredly, a far-darting sting has that woman, who even from that distance is wounding my heart. Stands aside. Enter PHRONESIUM and ASTAPHIUM, from the house of the former. PHRONESIUM to herself . A woman is a spoony and a trolloping slut, if she hasn't a view to her own interests, even in her cups. If her other limbs are soaked in wine, at least let her head be sober. But it's a vexation to me that my hair-dresser has been thus badly treated. She has been telling me that this child has been discovered to be the son of dinarchus. When I heard that * * * * She moves, as if going. DINARCHUS apart . She's going, in whose hands are all my fortune and my children. PHRONESIUM seeing DINARCHUS . I see him who has constituted me the guardian of his property. DINARCHUS coming forward . Madam, here am I.
 PHRONESIUM It certainly is he. What's the matter, my love? DINARCHUS No love; cease your trifling. I've nothing now to do with that subject. PHRONESIUM By my faith, I know what you want, and what you desire, and what you ask for. You want to see me; you desire to caress me; you ask for the child. DINARCHUS aside . Immortal Gods! how plain she speaks. How, in a few words, has she hit upon the very point! PHRONESIUM As for me, I know that you are betrothed, and that you have a son by your betrothed, and that a wife is now going to be married by you; that now your thoughts are elsewhere, that myself you are going to consider as forsaken. But still consider, the little mouse, how sagacious an animal it is, which never entrusts its life to one hole only; inasmuch as, if one hole is blocked up, it seeks another as a place of refuge. DINARCHUS When there's leisure, then I'll talk to you on those matters more at large; at present, give me up the child. PHRONESIUM No; do, there's a dear, let it be at my house the few next days. DINARCHUS Certainly not. PHRONESIUM Do, there's a dear. DINARCHUS What occasion is there? PHRONESIUM It's for my interest. This for the next three days at least, until the Captain is circumvented somehow; for that same purpose. If I get anything, it shall be for your own advantage as well. If you take the child away, all hope in the Captain will evaporate from my heart. DINARCHUS I would have that done; but, when it's taken home, to do it again 
 To do it again : "Refacere." This, in most of the Editions, is printed as "re facere," "to do in reality;" but that does not seem to be the proper reading. Dinarchus appears to mean, "You may keep the child for the present, in order to carry out your plans; for when I have once taken it home I shall not be able to do it again"—or, in other words, "lend it to you for your purposes." , if I were to wish it, I have not the opportunity. Now make use of the child, and take care of it, because you have the means by which to take care of it. PHRONESIUM Upon my faith, I do love you much for this matter. When you shall be afraid of a scolding at home, do you take shelter here in my house. At least, prove a friend, to help me to a profitable speculation. DINARCHUS moving . Kindly farewell, Phronesium. PHRONESIUM Won't you any longer call me "apple of your eve?" DINARCHUS That name too, meanwhile, shall be repeated full oft. PHRONESIUM Do you wish for anything else? DINARCHUS Fare thee well; when I have leisure, I'll come to your house. (Exit.) 
 PHRONESIUM Well, he's gone away from here, and has taken his departure; we may say here whatever we please. 'Tis a true proverb that's quoted, "Where the friends are, there are the riches." Through him, there's still some hope that the Captain may be duped to-day; whom, by the powers, I love better than my own self,—so long as I get out of him what I want: since, when we have got much, not much of it is seen that has been given. Such are the brilliant prospects of Courtesans! ASTAPHIUM Hush! hush! be quiet. PHRONESIUM Prithee, what is it? ASTAPHIUM The father of the child is coming. PHRONESIUM Well, let him come here. Let him, if it only is he, let him come himself straight up to me here just as he chooses. If he does come, for very sure, i' faith, I'll do him to-day with some cunning tricks. They go into the house. 
 PHRONESIUM and ASTAPHIUM appear before the door of the house. Enter STRATOPHANES. STRATOPHANES to himself . That I should love That I should love : "Eo mi amare." It is much more easy to guess at the sense of this passage, than at what is really the proper reading of it as it is evidently corrupt. for this! I'm taking an atonement for my offences to my mistress! That that may be taken by her in kindly part which I've squandered before, I'll add this as well. But what's this? I see the mistress and her maid before the house. I must accost her. Addressing them. What are you doing here? PHRONESIUM Don't speak to me. STRATOPHANES You are too angry. Pats her on the shoulder. 
 PHRONESIUM Leave me alone. Can't you possibly cease to be an annoyance to me? STRATOPHANES What is the matter, my dear little Astaphium? ASTAPHIUM I' faith, she's angry with you with good reason.
 PHRONESIUM What, I? I'm not even half spiteful enough to. wards that fellow. STRATOPHANES My love, if I have at all offended before, I present you with this mina of gold. If you smile upon me, deign me a look. PHRONESIUM My hand forbids me to believe anything, before it holds in its possession. We require food for the child; we require it for the dame 
 For the dame : "Matri." Literally, "the mother." as well, that bathes the child; we require it for the nurse 
 For the nurse : Even in those days, nurses were famed for their toping propensities. See the Andria of Terence, l. 229. , as well, that she may have a leather bottle full of old wine in ample style, that night and day she may tipple; we stand in need of fire; we want coals, too; we want swathes, napkins, the cradle, the cradle-bed; oil we want; the child requires flour, for pap; all day we are wanting something; never, in the same one day, can our task be performed, but what there's always need of something; for the children of officers cannot be reared upon medlars 
 Upon medlars : It is not known whether "setanium" or "setanum" here means "medlars" or "onions." Some Commentators think it means an inferior kind of pulse, used as food for the children of the poor. . STRATOPHANES Look upon me then. Take this presenting the money , with which to satisfy these necessities. PHRONESIUM taking it . Give it me, although it's very little. STRATOPHANES Whatever you shall order, shall be given at your demand. Give me a kiss now. Tries to kiss her. 
 PHRONESIUM Leave me alone, I say! You are a nuisance! STRATOPHANES aside . It's no use, I'm not loved by her; the day wears apace. More than ten pounds of silver have I lost in this short time by reason of my passion. PHRONESIUM giving the money to ASTAPHIUM . Take this, and carry it away in-doors. ASTAPHIUM carries it in. Enter STRABAX, from the house. STRABAX to himself . Where in the world is my mistress? I get on with no business, either in the country or here, at this rate; I'm spoiling with mouldiness, I'm grown so dreadfully numbed with lying waiting here upon the couch. But look, I perceive her. Hallo! sweetheart, what are you about? STRATOPHANES What fellow is that? PHRONESIUM One that, upon my honor, I love far more than yourself.
 STRATOPHANES Than myself? In what way? PHRONESIUM Why, this way, that you are not to be troublesome to me. Moves as if going. 
 STRATOPHANES Are you going now, after you've got the gold? PHRONESIUM What you've given me, I've put away in-doors. STRABAX Come here, sweetheart; I've got something to say to you. PHRONESIUM Why, I was just coming to you. STRABAX To me, my charmer? PHRONESIUM In serious truth, i' faith. STRABAX Although I seem a simpleton to you, I like myself to have a bit of recreation. For pretty though you are, you are so to your own loss, unless I amuse myself a bit with you. PHRONESIUM Should you like me to embrace you and give you a kiss? STRABAX Do whatever you like, I'll deem it agreable. She kisses him. 
 STRATOPHANES What, shall I suffer her to be embracing other men before my eyes? I' faith, 'twere better that I were dead. Woman, take your hands off of him, unless, perhaps, by this sword of mine, won from the enemy, you wish yourself and him to die. Flourishing his sword. 
 PHRONESIUM There's no use in "badinage 
 No use in badinage : φλυαρεῖν, "to trifle," "to play upon;" almost exactly corresponding with our use of the French term " badinage ." ," Captain. If you want yourself to be loved, with gold, Stratophanes, not with iron, may you prevent him from loving me. STRATOPHANES How, the plague, are you pretty or witty, to be fond of a fellow of that description? PHRONESIUM aside, to STRATOPHANES . Don't it come to your recollection what an actor once said upon the stage? " All people have an eye to their profit, and are not over delicate." STRATOPHANES That you could possibly caress this fellow, so dirty and foul! PHRONESIUM Although he is dirty, although he is foul, still, he's pretty to me. STRATOPHANES Didn't I give you some gold? PHRONESIUM To me? You gave money for the child's food. STRABAX Now, if you hope to have her, another mina of gold is requisite. STRATOPHANES A sore mishap upon these people, and a weighty one! STRABAX By all means, keep that by way of provision for your own journey.
 STRATOPHANES What does she owe you? STRABAX Three things. STRATOPHANES What, pray? STRABAX Perfumes, her favours, and kisses. PHRONESIUM apart . He answers him like for like. To STRATOPHANES. But now, at all events, if you do love me, do you give me some little trifle from your most abundant treasures. STRATOPHANES Do say, there's a dear, what it is that I'm to give you; only say. If I have it left, you shall have it. PHRONESIUM Mere kickshaws 
 Mere kickshaws : Κάμπας. This is from the Greek καμπὴ, "a caterpillar," and means "nonsensical, trifling stuff." He gives her a hint, in the next line, to beware of the great teeth of the countrymen. you're talking about. Be off, be off. STRABAX kisses her. 
 STRATOPHANES I've considered this over with myself. My good sir, take you care, will you, that she don't inflict a wound upon you, whose teeth are made of iron. She's allowing access to her to all in common. You take your hand off of her. STRABAX striking him . Then, by my troth, do you take that, with a hearty punch, warlike man! STRATOPHANES I've given her gold. STRABAX And I, silver. STRATOPHANES And I a mantle and a purple garment. STRABAX And I, sheep and wool; and many other things that she shall ask for I'll give. 'Twere better for you to contest it with me with minæ than with menaces 
 With minœ than with menaces : "Melius, te minis certare mecum, quam minaciis." He plays upon the resemblance of the word "minis," "with minæ," to "minaciis," "with threats," and means that money is more likely than menaces to have weight with Phronesium. . PHRONESIUM Upon my faith you are a funny mortal, my Strabax. Prithee, do proceed— Aside. A fool and a madman are contending for their ruin; I'm all right. STRATOPHANES Come, younker, do you offer something first. STRABAX Why no; do you squander first, and come to ruin. STRATOPHANES to PHRONESIUM . Well, here's a talent of silver for you. It's in Philippean coins. Take it for yourself. PHRONESIUM taking the money . So much the better. Be one of our family, but live at your own expense. STRATOPHANES to STRABAX . Where is that which you are going to give? Open your purse-strings Open your purse-strings : "Solve zonam." Literally, "loosen your girdle." The girdle was sometimes used as the purse itself. At other times the purse was placed there for safety .
 PHRONESIUM That's a challenge. STRATOPHANES to STRABAX . What are you afraid of? STRABAX You are from abroad 
 You are from abroad : He alludes to the alleged service of Stratophanes in the Babylonian army, and implies that he hesitates to answer to the challenge because he does not know whether Stratophanes may not turn out to be a sharper. . I live here points to his FATHER'S house . I am afraid. STRATOPHANES I am not. Walk off, then. STRABAX I'm bringing her some sheep fastened in a purse to my neck. STRATOPHANES Because I gave that, how I did flounder the fellow 
 Flounder the fellow : Stratophanes plumes himself with the idea that, he having given the money to Phronesium, the other will not dare to answer his challenge. . STRABAX Why no, indeed, it's I, who am going to give. PHRONESIUM to STRATOPHANES . Come in-doors now, prithee, and to STRABAX do you then stay with me here. STRATOPHANES You will give me your company then? STRABAX to PHRONESIUM . What say you? PHRONESIUM What? STRABAX What do you say? What, with this fellow? Am I to be postponed? STRATOPHANES I have made my present. PHRONESIUM to STRATOPHANES . You have given; pointing to STRABAX he's going to give just now; the one I've got, the other I expect. But each of the two shall be indulged to his heart's content. STRABAX So be it. As I see the matter stands, that must be taken that's offered. STRATOPHANES Indeed, I shall assuredly not be letting you take possession of my couch. PHRONESIUM aside . I' faith, I've cleverly netted them, and quite to my satisfaction. To the AUDIENCE. And as I see my affairs successfully managed, yours likewise 
 Yours likewise : There has been some doubt as to the meaning of this and the next two lines; but, on examination, it is clear that they have an indecent signification. would I successfully manage. I'll caress you in reality. If you are disposed to be doing anything, take care, will you, and let me know at once. For the sake of Venus, applaud; this Play is in her honor. Spectators, kindly farewell; grant applause, and then rise up 
 Then rise up : Cicero, in his Treatise "On Old Age," informs us that this Play was a favourite one of Plautus. It is difficult to see for what reason, as, compared with many of the others, it seems to be deficient in plot, and the Churl. from whom it takes its name has scarcely, any part in the business of it. .