I’d invite you to dinner, were I not dining; out myself. I’ faith, I wish the very loins of that phrase broken, that it mayn’t repeat its perjury if he does dine at his own house. These phrases reduce me to learn foreign habits Foreign habits : By barbaros mores, he probably alludes to the Roman custom of selling by auction, which was one of the duties of the praeco, or herald, here rendered auctioneer. Plautus frequently speaks at one moment as though addressing a Greek. and at the next, a Roman, audience. , and to spare the necessity for an auctioneer, and so proclaim the auction, and put myself up for sale. (Enter CROCOTIUM from the house of PHILUMENA, unseen by GELASIMUS.) CROCOTIUM (aside.) This is the Parasite, whom I’ve been sent to fetch. I’ll listen to what he’s saying, before I accost him. GELASIMUS Now there are a good many curious mischief-makers here, who, with extreme zeal, busy themselves with the affairs of other people, and who have themselves no affairs of their own to busy themselves with. They, when they know that any one is about to have an auction, go forthwith and sift out what’s the reason; whether a debt compels it, or whether he has purchased a farm; or whether, on a divorce, her marriage-portion is to be repaid to his wife To be repaid to his wife : If the divorce took place by mutual consent, then the dos, or marriage-portion, of the wife was returned. Such a circumstance occurring on a sudden, might very easily cause a necessity for recourse to the services of the auctioneer. . All these, although, i’ faith, I don’t judge them undeserving, in their most wretched state, to go toiling on, I don’t care about. I’ll proclaim the reason of my auction, that they may rejoice in my mishaps, for there’s no person a busybody but what he’s ill-natured too. Very great mishaps, alas! have befallen wretched me. So dreadfully afflicted has my property Has my property : Mancupium, or mancipium, was any species of property possessed by right of purchase. He here considers the dinners and the drinking-bouts, which he so misses, in the light of property to himself; the more especially as they had been purchased at the price of his logi, his puns, or bon mots. rendered me: my many drinking-bouts are dead and gone; how many dinners, too, that I’ve bewailed, are dead! how many a draught of honeyed wine; how many breakfasts, too, that I have lost within these last three years! In my wretchedness, for very grief and vexation have I quite grown old. I’m almost dead with hunger. CROCOTIUM (aside.) There’s no one such a droll, as he is when he is hungry. GELASIMUS Now am I resolved that I’ll make a sale: out of doors Out of doors : Foras; abroad, out of doors. The sales by auction took place in the open street. am I obliged to sell whatever I possess. Attend, if you please; the bargains will be for those who are present. I’ve funny bon mots Funny bon mots : Logos. This word is the Greek λογὸς, signifying a word, or a witty saying, in a Latin clothing. It exactly corresponds with the expression bon mots, which we have similarly borrowed from the French. to sell. Come, bid your price. Who bids a dinner? Does any one bid a breakfast? They’ll cost vou an Herculean breakfast An Herculean breakfast : It is hard to say what he means by Herculeum prandium: but, as Hercules was supposed to send good luck to those who gave him the tenths of their property, whether that property consisted of a house or a meal, his meaning probably is, Whoever invites me to a meal, that meal shall be as lucky to him as though he had sent the tenth part of it as an offering to Hercules. or dinner. Ho, there! (to one of the SPECTATORS) did you nod to me? No one will offer you better— I won’t allow that any Parasite has better quibbles, cajoleries, and parasitical white lies Parasitical white lies : Perjeratiunculas parasiticas. Literally, parasitical little perjuries. This is probably meant in reference to the adjurations so common among the ancients on the most trivial occasions, and of which the Parasite promises to be lavish in speaking in praise of his entertainer. The diminutive uncula suits the measure, and also shows the air of self- satisfaction with which he mentions that which he takes to be of the same harmless nature which some easy casuists among ourselves attribute to what they choose to call white lies. Indeed, the ancients esteemed perjury very much according to the subject on which it was employed. Ovid mentions Mercury as laughing at the perjuries of cheating tradesmen, and Jupiter as smiling at those of lovers; surely, then, a little bit of a perjury (the true meaning of perjeratiuncula ) could not be amiss on an occasion so trivial, and yet, to the Parasite, so all-important, as the acquisition of a good dinner. . I’m selling a rusty flesh-scraper A rusty flesh-scraper : The strigil was an instrument used by the Greeks and Romans in the place of the flesh-brush of modern times. It was made of bone, iron, copper, and sometimes of silver. It was used after taking the sudatorium, or sweating-bath, for the purpose of scraping the perspiration from the body. These instruments were of curved form, and in shape somewhat resembled our tongue-scrapers on a large scale. Rich persons took slaves with them to the baths for the purpose of scraping them. From Hesychius, Athenaeus, and Theophrastus, we learn that Parasites were much in the habit of spunging for entertainers at the public baths; and, no doubt, they generally had ready, for an emergency, both a strigil and a bottle of perfumed ointment, as a handy medium of introduction to strangers. , too; a rusty-coloured brown bottle A rusty-coloured brown bottle : The ampulla, or bottle, was probably a lorea, or leather one, and had turned of a rusty-brown colour from age. for the Greek unguents Greek unguents : By mentioning Greek unguents, Plautus here recollects that he is addressing a Latin audience. The Greek cosmetics and perfumes were much esteemed at Rome . Ovid, in the Art of Love, mentions the Athenian oesypum, which was much used by the Roman ladies for making the complexion clear. It was made from the sweat and grease of the fleeces of the sheep of Attica . at the sweating-baths The sweating-baths : The sudatorium, or vapour or sweating bath, was also called by the Romans Laconicum; because it was the habit of the Lacedaemonians to strip and anoint themselves, without using warm water, after the perspiration caused by athletic exercises. Cicero styles it assa, because it produced perspiration by means of a dry hot atmosphere. After it had been used, and the strigil applied to the skin, the bather was dried with towels, and then anointed, when the unctiones Graecae of the Parasite would be in demand. These were used either to close the pores of the skin and to prevent the person from catching cold, or to keep the skin from being rough when dried with the towel. Probably the Parasites were ready to give a hand on an emergency in assisting to rub down and anoint the bather, especially if he was known to keep a good cuisine. ; delicate after-dinner powders After-dinner powders : Crapularios. These were probably soft and tasteless (malacos) powders, used, like our dinner-pills, in order to prevent the bad effects of heating the stomach with rich food and excess of wine. A clover Parasite would, of course, always have these in readiness on an emergency. ; an empty Parasite as well (pointing to himself) , in whom to lay by your scraps. ’Tis needful that these should be sold at once for as much as they can; that, if I offer the tenth part. to Hercules Tenth part to Hercules : He seems to be about to give a fictitious reason for his anxiety to get a dinner—that, forsooth, like a pious man he may have the greater amount of tithes to present to Hercules. The hiatus precludes as from forming any very determinate opinion on the meaning of the passage. , on that account it may be greater CROCOTIUM (aside.) An auction of no great value, by my troth. Hunger has taken hold of the very deepest recess of the fellow’s stomach. I’ll accost the man. (Moves towards him.) GELASIMUS Who’s this that’s coming towards me? Why, surely this is Crocotium, the maid-servant of Epignomus. CROCOTIUM My respects, Gelasimus. GELASIMUS That’s not my name. CROCOTIUM I’ faith, for sure that used to be your name. GELASIMUS Distinctly it was so, but I’ve lost it by use. Now I’m called Miccotrogus Miccotrogus : This is a Greek compound word, which signifies crumb-eater; in it he alludes to his short commons. from what is fact. CROCOTIUM O dear! I’ve laughed a good deal at you to-day. GELASIMUS When? or in what place?