Dramatis Personae PYRGOPOLINICES, the Braggart Captain. ARTOTROGUS, a Parasite. PERIPLECOMENUSThe Latin name is Periplectomenus; it has been simplified here., an old gentleman, the friend of Pleusicles. PLEUSICLES, a young Athenian. PALAESTRIO, servant of Pyrgopolinices. SCELEDRUS, another servant of Pyrgopolinices. LUCRIO, a lad, all under-servant of Pyrgopolinices. CARIO, cook to Periplecomenus. A BOY. PHILOCOMASIUM, the mistress of Pyrgopolinices. ACROTELEUTIUM, a Courtesan. MILPHIDIPPA, her maid. SLAVES. (Scene— Ephesus : a Street before the houses of PERIPLECOMENUS, and PYRGOPOLINICES, which adjoin each other.) THE SUBJECT
 PLIEUSICLES, a young Athenian, is in love with Philocomasium, a Courtesan of Athens, who returns his affection. Being sent on public business to Naupactus , a certain Captain of Ephesus , Pyrgopolinices by name, comes to Athens , and insinuates himself into the good graces of her mother, in order that he may get Philocomasium into his power. Having deceived the mother, he places the daughter on board ship and carries her off to Ephesus . On this, Palaestrio, a faithful servant of Pleusicles, hastens to embark for Naupactus , with the view of telling his master what has happened. The ship being taken by pirates, he is made captive, and by chance is presented as a gift to Pyrgopolinices. He recognises the mistress of Pleusicles in the Captain’s house; but he carefully conceals from the Captain who he himself is. He then privately writes to Pleusicles, requesting him to come to Ephesus . On arriving, Pleusicles is hospitably entertained by Periplecomenus, a friend of his father, an old gentleman who lives next door to the Captain. As Philocomasium has a private room of her own in the Captain’s house, a hole is made through the partition wall, and by this contrivance she meets Pleusicles in the house of his entertainer, who gives his sanction to the plan.
 At this juncture, the play begins. A servant of the Captain, named Sceledrus, has been appointed to be the keeper of Philocomnasium. Pursuing a monkey along the roof of the house, he looks down the skylight of the house next door, and there sees Pleusicles and Philocomasium conversing and toying with each other. When this has been discovered to be the case, a plan is arranged, by which Sceledrus shall not only not divulge to the Captain what he has seen, but shall even be made to believe that he has not actually seen it himself. Palaestrio, therefore, persuades him that the twin-sister of Philocomasium has arrived at Ephesus , and with her lover is staying at their neighbour’s house. To forward their designs, Palaestrio then invents another plan. He persuades the Captain to believe that the wife of his neighbour, Periplecomenus, is in love with him. Through his agency, a Courtesan, named Acroteleutium, pretends that she is the wife so desperately in love with the Captain. he believes this story, and, that he may the more conveniently receive her in his house, by the advice of Palaestrio, he sends Philocomasium away, and gives her into the charge of Pleusicles, who is disguised in the dress of a master of a ship. They go to the harbour and set sail, accompanied by Palaestrio, whom the Captain has given to Philocomasium at her request. The Captain, then, at the invitation of the maid of Acroteleutium, goes to the house next door, to visit her mistress. On this, Periplecomenus, with his servants, sallies forth upon him, and, having first threatened to cut him in pieces, and then having beaten and stripped him, they let him go, after they have exacted from him a confession that he has been rightly served, and a promise that he will molest no one in return for the treatment he has received. THE ACROSTIC ARGUMENT. [Supposed to have been written by Priscian, the Grammarian.] A Captain carries off to Ephesus a Courtesan ( Meretricem ) from Athens . While his servant is intending to tell this ( Id ) to his master, her lover, who is an Ambassador ( Legato ) abroad, he himself is captured at sea, and ( Et ) is given as a present to the same Captain. The servant sends for his ( Suum ) master from Athens , and cleverly makes a hole in the party wall, common to the two ( Geminis ) houses, that it may be possible ( Liceret ) for the two lovers secretly to meet. Wandering about (Oberrans), her keeper sees them from the tiles, but he is played a trick ( Ridiculis ) upon, as though it were another person. Palaestrio, too, as well ( Item ) persuades the Captain to have his mistress dismissed ( Omissam ), since the wife of the old man ( Senis ), his neighbour, wishes to marry him. He begs that she will go away of her own accord ( Ultro ), and gives her many things. He, himself, caught in the house of the old man ( Senis ), receives punishment as an adulterer. (Enter PYRGOPOLINICES Pyrgopolinices : The literal meaning of the name of the swaggering Captain is the much-conquering tower, or something similar. Artotrogus means bread-eater. The word Parasite properly denotes one person who dines with another. The name was originally given to persons who were assistants to the priests and high magistrates, and, consequently, had a respectable signification. The hangers-on, who are called Parasites by the Comic writers of Greece and Rome , first received that name from Alexis, the Greek Comedian. It has been well remarked, that their chief characteristics were importunity, love of sensual pleasures, and the desire of getting a good dinner without paying for it. They may be subdivided into the jesting, the officious, and the flattering Parasite ( assentator ), of which latter kind Artotrogus is an admirable specimen. From ancient writers we find that it was their method to frequent the Courts of justice, market-places, baths, places for exercise, and other objects of public resort, with the view of obtaining a dinner, at the price of being the butt of their entertainer, and cheerfully submitting to the greatest humiliations. , ARTOTROGUS, and Soldiers.) PYRGOPOLINICES Take ye care that the lustre of my shield is more bright than the rays of the sun are wont to be at the time when the sky is clear; that when occasion comes, the battle being joined, ’mid the fierce ranks right opposite it may dazzle the eyesight of the enemy. But, I wish to console this sabre of mine, that it may not lament nor be downcast in spirits, because I have thus long been wearing it keeping holiday, which so longs right dreadfully to make havoc of the enemy. But where is Artotrogus? ARTOTROGUS Here he is; he stands close by the hero, valiant and successful, and of princely form. Mars could not dare to style himself a warrior so great, nor compare his prowess with yours. PYRGOPOLINICES Him you mean whom I spared on the Gorgonidonian Gorgonidonian : These three crackjaw names are coined by Plautus much in the style of the names of the characters in Bombastes Furioso . They are mere gibberish, though the two latter are derived from Greek or Latin words; the first of which signifies a son of a fighter at the sound of the trumpet. plains, where Bumbomachides Clytomestoridysarchides, the grandson of Neptune, was the chief commander? ARTOTROGUS I remember him; him, I suppose, you mean with the golden armour, whose legions you puffed away with your breath just as the wind blows away leaves or the reed-thatched roof. PYRGOPOLINICES That, on my troth, was really nothing at all. ARTOTROGUS Faith, that really was nothing at all in comparison with other things I could mention— (aside) which you never did. If any person ever beheld a more perjured fellow than this, or one more full of vain boasting, faith let him have me for himself, I’ll resign myself for his slave; if ’tis not the fact that ’Tis not the fact that : This line is read in many different ways, and is evidently in a most corrupt state. Ritschel suggests, Unum epityrum apud illum estur insane bene , which we follow as nearly as is consistent with the English idiom. my one mess of olive pottage Mess of olive pottage :— Epityrum was the name of a dish much used by the people of Sicily, who ate it together with cheese. We learn from Cato (on Rural Matters), that it was made of various kinds of olives minced up, and mixed with oil, vinegar coriander, cummin, fennel, rue, and mint, and then preserved in jars. is eaten up by me right ravenously. PYRGOPOLINICES Where are you? ARTOTROGUS Lo! here am I. I’ troth in what a fashion it was you broke the fore-leg The fore-leg : Brachium is supposed by some to mean the trunk of the elephant; but it seems more probable that it here means the fore-leg. of even an elephant, in India , with your fist. PYRGOPOLINICES How?—the fore-leg? ARTOTROGUS I meant to say this—the thigh. PYRGOPOLINICES I struck the blow without an effort. ARTOTROGUS Troth, if, indeed, you had put forth your strength, your arm would have passed right through the hide, the entrails, and the frontispiece of the elephant. PYRGOPOLINICES I don’t care for these things just now. ARTOTROGUS I’ faith, ’tis really not worth the while for you to tell me of it, who know right well your prowess. (Aside) ’Tis my appetite creates My appetite creates : He now addresses the Spectators, and honestly confesses why he is a Parasite. all these plagues. I must hear him right out with my ears, that my teeth mayn’t have time Mayn’t have time : Dentes dentire is that which we call teething. He says that he acts the flatterer that his teeth may not have time to grow through want of employment. to grow, and whatever lie he shall tell, to it I must agree. PYRGOPOLINICES What was it I was saying? ARTOTROGUS O, I know what you were going to say just now. I’ faith ’twas bravely done; I remember its being done. PYRGOPOLINICES What was that? ARTOTROGUS Whatever it was you were going to say. PYRGOPOLINICES Have you got your tablets Got your tablets : The tabulae , or tabellae , used by the ancients for the purpose of writing, were pieces of wood, mostly of an oblong shape, covered with wax, on which an impression was made with the stylus , or iron pen. They were sometimes made of ivory, but more frequently of citron-wood, beech, or fir The inside only of the tablet was covered with wax, the outer consisting of wood. The leaves were fastened at the back with wires, and opened and shut like the books of the present day. There was a raised margin to each leaf of the tablet, for the purpose of preventing the wax of the one from rubbing against the other. From two to five, six, or even more of these leaves were joined together, which were accordingly called diptycha , triptycha , and so on. Those tablets which contained legal documents were pierced through the outer edges with holes, through which a triple thread or string was passed, on which a seal was placed, in order to prevent forgery and to show that the deed was duly executed. ? ARTOTROGUS Are you intending to enlist Intending to enlist : Rogare . Soldiers, when enlisted, were asked ( regabantur ) whether they would take the oath. Hence the word rogare means something tantamount to our word enlist, or recruit .The Parasite asks him if he is going to enlist, as the tablets would be wanted in the Forum, or Court of justice, for the purpose of taking down the oaths, and entering the names as the parties were sworn. ? I have them, and a pen as well.