If perchance you were to see your husband reclining, if you beheld him with a garland on, caressing a mistress, could you recognize him?ARTEMONAI’ troth, I could. A PARASITE(points to the other end of the stage.)Then there’s your man.ARTEMONA(moving stealthily forward with the PARASITE.)I’m undone.A PARASITEStay a little. Let’s observe in private, from ambush, what business they are about.ARGYRIPPUSWhat end will you put to your caresses, father?DEMAENETUSI confess, my son— ARGYRIPPUSWhat do you confess? DEMAENETUSThat I’m utterly undone with love for her.A PARASITE(to ARTEMONA.)Do you hear what he says?ARTEMONAI hear.DEMAENETUS(to PHILENIUM.)Ought I not to filch the mantle from my wife at home, which she is so fond of, and bring it to you? Though my wife’s life should last a whole year in consequence, by my troth I could not be dissuaded from doing so.A PARASITE(to ARTEMONA.)Do you suppose that he has been accustomed to frequent a brothel to-day for the first time?ARTEMONAUpon my faith, it was he that was pilfering me; whereas I was suspecting my maid-servants, and was tormenting the wretched creatures who were innocent all the while.ARGYRIPPUSFather, bid him pour out some wine; ’tis a long time since I drank firstSince I drank first: They probably took the first draught each in his turn. Argyrippus tells his father that he is dry, and that it is a long time since he had the first draught..DEMAENETUS(to the SERVANT.)Begin, boy, from the topFrom the top: We are to suppose that the three are reclining or one triclinium, or couch. Argyrippus lies at the top, his father below him, and Philenium the lowest, with her head reclining on the old man’s breast.. (To PHILENIUM.) Come, do you meanwhile from below give me a kiss.(Kisses her.)ARTEMONA(to the PARASITE.)Wretch that I am, I’m undone! How the villain, the garnishing of a bierOf a bier: Capulus was another name of the lectica or feretrum, on which the corpse was carried to the funeral pile. In the case of rich people, the capuli were sometimes made of ivory, and covered with gold and purple., is kissing away.DEMAENETUSA breath, by my faith, somewhat sweeter than that of my wife.PHILENIUMTell me, there’s a dear, does the breath of your wife smell bad?DEMAENETUSI’d prefer to drink bilge-water, if it were necessary, rather than kiss her.ARTEMONA(apart.)Aye, pray, how say you? By my troth, to your own great detriment, you’ve surely said that against me. Never mind; only de you come home, I’ll let you know what danger there is in speaking abusively against a wife with a dowry.PHILENIUMBy heavens, you are a wretch.ARTEMONA(apart.)I’ faith, he’s deserving so to be.ARGYRIPPUSHow say you, father?(Takes a draught in the meanwhile.)Don’t you love my mother?DEMAENETUSWho—I? I love her just now, because she isn’t present.ARGYRIPPUSHow, when she is present?DEMAENETUSThen, I wish she was dead.