HERMES Ah, but you never saw the woman alive, Menippus,
or you would have said yourself that it was forgivable
that they “for such a lady long should suffer
woe”.
 Homer, Iliad , III, 157. 
 For if one sees flowers that are dried up
and faded, they will, of course, appear ugly; but
when they are in bloom and have their colour, they
are very beautiful. MENIPPUS Well, Hermes, what does surprise me is this: that
the Achaeans didn’t know how short-lived a thing
they strove for, and how soon it loses its bloom. HERMES I have no time to moralise with you, Menippus.
Choose a place to lie down in, wherever you like,
and I’ll be off now to fetch the other shades. Menippus And Aeacus MENIPPUS I ask you, Aeacus, in the name of Pluto, to conduct
me round every thing in Hades. AEACUS It’s not easy to do it all, Menippus, but I’ll show
you the chief things. This is Cerberus, as you know,
and on your way in you’ve already seen the ferryman
here who brought you over, and the lake and
Pyriphlegethon. MENIPPUS I know all that and that you are the gate-keeper,
and I’ve seen the king and the Furies. But show
me the men of old, and particularly the famous ones. AEACUS This is Agamemnon, and this Achilles, here is
Idomeneus close by, and here Odysseus, then come
Ajax, Diomede and the finest of the Greeks. MENIPPUS Dear me, Homer, how the central figures of your
epics have been cast to the ground and lie unrecognisable
and ugly, all so much dust and rubbish,
“strengthless heads”
 Cf. Homer, Od. II, 29, etc. 
 in very truth! But who is
this, Aeacus? AEACUS Cyrus, and this is Croesus, and the one beyond
him Sardanapalus, and beyond them Midas, and
that one is Xerxes. MENIPPUS Then you, you scum, were the terror of Hellas?
You bridged the Hellespont, and wanted to sail
through the mountains?
 By a canal through Athos. 
 And what a sight
Croesus is! And, Aeacus, let me slap the face of
Sardanapalus. AEACUS Don’t, you’re breaking his skull; it’s as weak as
a woman’s. MENIPPUS Then at least I’ll have a good spit at him, since
he’s as much woman as man. AEACUS Would you like me to show you the Philosophers? MENIPPUS Oh yes, please. AEACUS Here first you have Pythagoras. MENIPPUS Good day to you, Euphorbus or Apollo, or whatever
name you prefer.
 Cf. Diogenes Laertius, VIII, 4 and 11. 
 PYTHAGORAS And a bad day to you, Menippus. MENIPPUS Don’t you still have your thigh of gold?
 Cf. Diogenes Laertius, VIII, 4 and 11. 
 PYTHAGORAS No; but let me see if there’s anything to eat in
your wallet. MENIPPUS Beans, my good fellow—something you mustn’t eat. PYTHAGORAS Just give me some. Doctrines are different
among the dead; I’ve learnt that beans and
parents’ heads
 Cf. note on The Cock, 4 (vol. 2, p. 181), for verse forbidding Pythagoreans to eat beans. 
 are not the same thing here.