MENIPPUS Even so, you lowest of the low from Lydia,
Phrygia and Assyria, I’d have you know that
I’ll never stop. Wherever you go, I’ll follow, tormenting
you with my songs and mockery. CROESUS Isn’t this outrageous? MENIPPUS No, the outrageous thing was your behaviour,
when you expected people to worship you, treated
free men with contempt, and forgot all about death.






 


That’s why you’re going to lament the loss of all
those things. CROESUS Oh, ye gods, many and great possessions they were! MIDAS All my gold! SARDANAPALUS All my luxury! MENIPPUS Bravo, go on. You keep up your whimperings,
and I’ll accompany you with song, with a string of
“Know-Thyself” s for my refrain. That’s the proper
accompaniment for such lamentations. Menippus And Cerberus MENIPPUS My dear Cerberus—I’m a relation, being a Dog
myself—I beg you, in the name of the Styx, to tell
me what Socrates was like when he came down to
you. Seeing that you’re a god, you can be expected
not merely to bark, but also to talk like a
human when you wish. CERBERUS When he was at a distance, Menippus, his face
seemed completely impassive as he approached, and
he appeared to have not the slightest fear of death,
and he wanted to impress this on those who stood





 


outside the entrance, but when he had peeped into
the chasm, and seen the darkness, and I had bitten
him and dragged him by the foot, because he was
still slowed down by the hemlock, he shrieked like
an infant, and cried for his children and went frantic. MENIPPUS Then the fellow was just a sham, and didn’t really
despise his plight? CERBERUS No, but since he could see it was inescapable, he
put on a bold front, pretending he would be glad to
accept what was quite inevitable, all to win the
admiration of the onlookers. I could Generalise
about all such men: as far as the entrance, they are
bold and brave, but what comes inside is the real test. MENIPPUS What did you think of me, when I came down? CERBERUS You alone were a credit to your breed—you and
Diogenes before you, because you came in without
having to be forced or pushed, but of your own
accord, laughing and cursing at everyone. Menippus And Hermes MENIPPUS Tell me, Hermes, where are the beauties of both
sexes? Show me round, as I’m a newcomer. HERMES I have no time, Menippus. But just look over
there to your right, where you’ll see Hyacinthus,
Narcissus, NIreus, Achilles, Tyro, Helen, and Leda,
and, in fact, all the beauties of old. MENIPPUS I can only see bones and bare skulls, most of them
looking the same. HERMES Yet those are what all the poets admire, those
bones which you seem to despise. MENIPPUS But show me Helen. I can’t pick her out myself. HERMES This skull is Helen. MENIPPUS Was it then for this that the thousand ships were
manned from all Greece, for this that so many
Greeks and barbarians fell, and so many cities were
devastated?