In the sequel, he was very unconvincing in his delivery, glibly reciting (as was natural) what he had thought out long before and learned by heart, no matter how much his shamelessness, standing by him, defended him, lent him ahelping hand, and aided him in the struggle. There was a great deal of laughter from his hearers, some of whom, by looking from time to time at that man from Patras, indicated that they had not failed to detect his part in the improvisation, while others, recognising the expressions themselves, throughout the performance continued to have that as their sole occupation, testing each other to find out how good their memories were at distinguishing which one of those sophists who achieved fame a little before our time for their so-called “exercises” was the author of each expression.

“Among all these, among those who laughed, was the writer of these words. And why should not he laugh at a piece of cheek so manifest and unconvincing and shameless? So, somehow or other, being one who cannot control his laughter, when the speaker had attuned his voice to song, as he thought, and was intoning a regular dirge over Pythagoras, our author, seeing an ass trying to play the lyre, as the saying goes, burst into a very melodious cachinnation, and the other turned and saw him. That created a state of war between them, and the recent affair sprang from it.

It was the beginning of the year, or rather, the second day after the New Year,

New Year’s Day is called in the Greek “the great New- Moon-Day.” The day of the festival on which the incident occurred was January third (a.d. III non. Ian.) For the vow of the consuls on that day, two gilded bulls for the health of the Imperial family, see Henzen, Acta Fratrum Arvalium, pp. 100-102.

the day on which the Romans, by an ancient custom, make prayers in person for the entire yearand holdsacrifices, following ceremonies which King Numaestablished for them; they are convinced that on that day beyond all others the gods give ear to those who pray. Well, on that festival and high holiday, the man who burst out laughing then in Olympia at the suppositious Pythagoras saw this contemptible cheat approaching, this presenter of the speeches of others. It happened that he knew his character, too, and all his wantonness and unclean living, both what he was said to do, and what he had been caught doing. So he said to one of his friends: ‘We must give a wide berth to this ill-met sight, whose appearance is likely to make the most delightful of all days nefandous for us.’

“Exposure,” however devoted to Truth and Frankness, here indulges in prevarication so obvious that its purpose is clearly to exasperate Lucian’s victim rather than to impose upon his public. To say that a man’s appearance would make the day apophras is not saying that he was “like that kind of day,” let alone calling him apophras. See the note on § 1, above, and that on § 16, below.

“On hearing that, the sophist at once laughed at the word nefandous as if it were strange and alien to the Greeks, and paid the man back, in his own estimation, at least, for the laughter of that former time, saying to all: ‘Nefandous! What, pray, is that? A fruit, or a herb, or a utensil? Can it be something to eat ordrink? For my part I have never heard the word, and should never be able to guess what it means.’

He thought he was directing these remarks at our friend, and he subjected ‘nefandous’ to a great deal of laughter; but he had unwittingly brought against himself the uttermost proof of his want of education. Under these circumstances he who sent me in to you in advance has written this composition to demonstrate that the renowned sophist does not know expressions common to all the Greeks, which even men in the workshops and the bazaars would know.”

Thus far Exposure. In my own turn (for I myself have now taken over the rest of the show), I might fittingly play the part of the Delphic tripod and tell what you did in your own country, what in Palestine, what in Egypt, what in Phoenicia and Syria; then, in due order, in Greece and Italy, and on top of it all, what you are now doing at Ephesus, which is the extremity of your recklessness and the culminating point and crowning glory of your character. Now that, in the words of the proverb,

If people of Troy attend tragedies, they are bound to hear about the misfortunes of the Trojans.

you who live in Troy have paid to see tragedians, it is a fitting occasion for you to hear your own misadventures.