Apollo Father, is this true, about a man’s publicly throwing himself upon a pyre, at the Olympian Games? He was quite an old man, it seems, and rather a good hand at anything in the sensational line. Selene told us about it: she says she actually saw him burning.

Zeus Quite true, my boy; only too true!

Apollo Oh? the old gentleman deserved a better fate?

Zeus Why, as to that, I dare say he did. But I was alluding to the smell, which incommoded me extremely; the odour of roast man, I need hardly tell you, is far from pleasant. I made the best of my way to Arabia at once, or, upon my word, those awful fumes would have been the death of me. Even in that fragrant land of frankincense and spices I could scarcely get the villanous stench out of my nostrils; the mere recollection of it makes me feel queer.

Apollo But what was his object, father? Was there anything to be got by jumping on to a pyre, and being converted to cinders?

Zeus Ah, if you come to that, you must call Empedocles to account first: be jumped into a crater, in Sicily.

Apollo Poor fellow! he must have been in a sad way. But what was the inducement in the present case?

Zeus I'll quote you his own words. He made a speech, explaining his motives to the public.

As far as I remember, he said—but who comes here in such haste? There must be something wrong: she is crying; some one has been ill-treating her. Why, it is Philosophy, in a sad way, calling out to me. Why are you crying, child? and what brings you here, away from the world? More misdeeds of the ignorant herd? a repetition of the Socrates and Anytus affair? is that it?

Philosophy No, father, nothing of that kind. The common people have been most polite and respectful; they are my most devout admirers,—worshippers, I might almost say; not that they understand much of what I tell them. No; it was those—I don’t know what to call them—but the people who pretend to be on such friendly terms with me, and are always using my name;—the wretches!

Zeus Oh, it’s the philosophers who have been misbehaving themselves?

Philosophy No, no, father; they have been just as badly treated as I have.

Zeus Then if it is neither the philosophers nor the common people, who is it that you complain of?

Philosophy There are some people who are between the two: they are not philosophers, and yet they are not like the rest of mankind, They are got up to look like philosophers; they have the dress, the walk, the expression; they call me mistress, write philosopher after their names, and declare themselves my disciples and followers: but they are evil men, made up of folly and impudence and wickedness; a disgrace to my name. It was their misconduct that drove me away.

Zeus Poor child! it is too bad of them, And what have they been doing to you exactly?

Philosophy Judge for yourself whether the provocation was a slight one. When formerly you looked down upon the world, and saw that it was filled with iniquity and transgression, and was become the troubled abode of sin and folly, you had compassion on the frailty of ignorant mankind, and sent me down to them: you bade me see to it, that wickedness and violence and brutality should cease from among them; I was to lift their eyes upwards to the truth, and cause them to live together in unity. Remember your words on that occasion: ‘Behold, my daughter, the misdeeds of mankind; behold how ignorance has wrought upon them. I feel compassion for them, and have chosen you from among all the Gods to heal their ills; for who else should heal them?’