POLYSTRATUS This is the lady’s reply: “Lycinus, I have discerned, to be sure, from what you have written that your friendliness and esteem for me is great, for nobody would bestow such high praise if he were not writing in a friendly spirit. But my own attitude, please understand, is this. In general, I do not care for people whose disposition inclines to flattery, but consider such persons deceivers and not at all generous in their natures. Above all, in the matter of compliments, when anyone in praising me employs vulgar and immoderate extravagances I blush and almost stop my ears, and the thing seems to me more like abuse than praise.

For praise is endurable only as long as the person who is being praised recognizes that everything which is said is appropriate to him, Whatever goes beyond that is alien, and outright flattery.

“Yet,” said she, “I know many who like it if, in praising them, one bestows upon them qualities which they do not possess; for example, if they are old, congratulates them upon their youthfulness, or if they are ugly, clothes them in the beauty of a Nireus or a Phaon. They think that their appearance will be transformed by these compliments, and that they will regain their youth afresh, as Pelias thought to do.

That, however, is not the case. Praise would be highly valuable if it were possible to derive any actual profit from it through such extravagant employment. But as it is, those people in my opinion are in the same case that an ugly man would be in if someone should officiously put a handsome mask upon him and he were to pride himself greatly upon his beauty, regardless of the fact that it was detachable and could be destroyed by the first comer, in which event he would look still more ridiculous when he stood revealed in his own proper features and showed what ugliness had been hidden behind that lovely mask. Or it would be as if someone who was small should put on the buskins of an actor and try to compete in height with those who, on an even footing, overtop him by a full cubit.”

She mentioned an instance in point. She said that a woman of conspicuous position, who was pretty and attractive in every other way, but small, and far beneath the well-proportioned height, was being lauded in song by a certain poet, not only on all other grounds, but because she was fair and tall; he likened her to a black poplar for goodly stature and straightness! Well, she was delighted with the compliment, just as if she were going to grow to match the song, and lifted her hand in approval. So the poet gave many encores, seeing that she liked to be praised, until at last one of the company leaned over to his ear and said: “Have done with it, man—you might make her stand up!”

Something similar and much more comical was done, she said, by Stratonice, the wife of Seleucus, who set a competition for the poets, with a talent as the prize, to see which of them could best praise her hair, in spite of the fact that she was bald and had not even a paltry few hairs of her own. Nevertheless, with her head in that pitiful state, when everybody knew that a long illness had affected her in that way, she listened to those rascally poets while they called her hair hyacinthine, and platted soft braids of it, and compared to wild parsley what did not even exist at all!