As to Aristotle, he only made a beginning
in Parasitic, as in every other art.
 
I have shown that, as I said, philosophers have
been eager to play parasite; but nobody can
instance a parasite who has cared to practise philosophy.


 
 
Furthermore, if happiness lies in not hungering
or thirsting or shivering, nobody has this in his
power except the parasite. Consequently you can
find many cold and hungry philosophers, but never
a parasite; otherwise he would not be a parasite,
but an unfortunate beggar fellow, resembling a
philosopher.
 TYCHIADES 
You have been sufficiently explicit on that score.
But how do you prove that Parasitic excels
philosophy and rhetoric in other respects?
 SIMON 
There are seasons, my dear fellow, in the life of
man, seasons of peace, I take it, and again seasons
of war. Well, in those seasons it is absolutely inevitable that the arts and those who possess them
should show what they are. First, if you please, let
us consider the season of war, and what class of men
would be above all most useful to themselves individually and to the state in general.

 TYCHIADES 
What a searching test of manhood you are
announcing! I have long been laughing inwardly
to think how a philosopher would look in comparison
with a parasite.
 SIMON 
Then in order to prevent you from wondering too
much and also from thinking it a laughing matter,
let us imagine that right here in our city
proclamation has been made that the enemy has
unexpectedly invaded the country; that it is

 

necessary to take the field against them and not
allow the farm-lands outside the walls to be laid
waste, that the commander has called to the colours
all those of military age, and that of course
everybody is going, including certain philosophers
and rhetoricians and parasites. First, then, let us
strip them to the skin; for those who are going to
put on armour must first take off their clothes.
Now inspect your men, sir, one by one, and give
them a physical examination. Some of them you
can see to be thin and pale through privation, shuddering, and as limp as if they had already been
wounded. Surely it would be ridiculous to say that
fighting, hand-to-hand combat, pushing, dust, and.
wounds can be borne by men like these, who need
something to brace them up!