Socrates Stone the miscreant; stone him with many stones; clod him with clods; pot him with pots; let the culprit feel your sticks; leave him no way out. At him, Plato! come, Chrysippus, let him have it! Shoulder to shoulder, close the ranks;

 Let wallet succour wallet, staff aid staff! 

We are all parties in this war; not one of us but he has assailed. You, Diogenes, now if ever is the time for that stick of yours; stand firm, all of you. Let him reap the fruits of his revilings. What, Epicurus, Aristippus, tired already? ’tis too soon; ye sages,

 Be men; relume that erstwhile furious wrath! 

 Aristotle one more sprint. There! the brute is caught; we have you, villain. You shall soon know a little more about the

 

characters you have assailed. Now, what shall we do with him? it must be rather an elaborate execution, to meet all our claims upon him; he owes a separate death to every one of us.

First Phil. Impale him, say I.

Second Phil. Yes, but scourge him first.

Third Phil. Tear out his eyes.

Fourth Phil, Ah, but first out with the offending tongue. Socrates What say you, Empedocles? Empedocles Oh, fling him into a crater; that will teach him to vilify his betters.. Platonists ’Twere best for him, Orpheus or Pentheus like, to -

 Find death, dashed all to pieces on the rock; 

so each might have taken a piece home with him.
 Lucian Forbear; spare me; I appeal to the God of suppliants. Socrates Too late; no loophole is left you now. And you know your Homer:

 'Twixt men and lions, covenants are null. Lucian Why, it is in Homer’s name that I ask my boon. You will perhaps pay reverence to his lines, and listen to a selection from him:

 Slay not; no churl is he; a ransom take 
 Of bronze and gold, whereof wise hearts are fain. Platonists Why, two can play at that game; exempli gratia,

 Reviler, babble not of gold, nor nurse 
 Hope of escape from these our hands that hold thee. Lucian Ah me, ah me! my best hopes dashed, with Homer!
Let me fly to Euripides; it may be he will protect me:

Leave him his life; the suppliant’s life is sacred. Platonists Does this happen to be Euripides too—
 Evil men evil treated is no evil? 

 Lucian And will you slay me now for nought but words? Platonists Most certainly; our author has something on that point too:

 Unbridled lips 
 And folly’s slips 
 Invite Fate’s whips. 

 Lucian Oh, very well; as you are all set on murdering me, and escape is impossible, do at least tell me who you are, and what harm I have done you; it must be something irreparable, to judge by your relentless murderous pursuit. Platonists What harm you have done us, vile fellow? your own conscience and your fine dialogues will tell you; you have called Philosophy herself bad names, and as for us, you have subjected us to the indignity of a public auction, and put up wise men— ay, and free men, which is more—for sale. We have reason to be angry; we have got a short leave of absence from Hades, and come up against you—Chrysippus here, Epicurus and myself, Aristotle yonder, the taciturn Pythagoras, Diogenes and all of us that your dialogues have made so free with.

 Lucian Ah, I breathe again. Once hear the truth about my conduct to you, and you will never put me to death. You can throw away those stones. Or, no, keep them; you shall have a better mark for them presently. Platonists This is trifling. This day thou diest; nay, even now,

 A suit of stones shalt don, thy livery due. Lucian Believe me, good gentlemen, I have been at much pains on your behalf; to slay me is to slay one who should rather be selected for commendation; a kindred spirit, a well-wisher, a man after your own heart, a promoter, if I may be bold to say it, of your pursuits, See to it that you catch not the tone of our latter-day philosophers, and be thankless, petulant, and hard of heart, to him that deserves better of you. Platonists Talk ofa brazen front! So to abuse us is to oblige

 

us. I believe you are under the delusion that you are really talking to slaves; after the insolent excesses of your tongue, do you propose to chop gratitude with us?