Nothing hard about that. Oyez! Silence! All who assert that they are philosophers, and all who think that they have any connection with the name, come tothe Acropolis for a distribution of gifts! Two minas will be given to every man, and a seed-cake also; and whoever displays a Jong beard shall receive a basket of figs into the bargain. Never mind temperance or justice or self-control, as these qualities are not essential if they are not available; but let each bring with him five syllogisms by all means, for without these it is impossible to be wise. Lo, we have set up as prize two talents of gold for the contest;These shall we give unto him who prevails over all in debating!Cf. Iliad18, 507-8.

Aha! What a lot of them! The road up to the gate is full of men hustling after the two minas, as soon as they heard of them; others are coming up beside the Pelasgicon;

The prehistoric wall of the Acropolis. Only tumble-down pieces were then to be seen (cf. § 47). The bit. referred to here was at the north-west corner, by the cave of Pan (Double Indictment, § 9).

In fact, that is the worst feature of it all, Philosophy, and the one for which you could be most criticized, that you have set no mark and token upon them. These cheats are often more convincing than the genuine philosophers.

We Platonists should get our share first.

No! we Pythagoreans, for Pythagoras was earlier.

Nonsense! we of the Porch are better.

Not at all; in matters of money we of the Walk should be first.

Give us Epicureans the cakes and the figs, but we will wait for the money, even if we have to be the last to get it.

Where are the two talents? We Academics will show you how much better debaters we are than the rest!

Not while we Stoics are here!

Stop your bickering! You Cynics, do not jostle one another or strike each other with your staves. You were asked here for a different purpose, let me assure you! And now I, Philosophy, and Virtue here and Truth will decide who are the genuine philosophers. Then all who are found to be living by our rules shall be pronounced superior and will be happy ever after, but as for the cheats and all those who have nothing in common with us, we shall put the wretches to a wretched end, so that they may not claim any part in things that are over their heads, false pretenders that they are! What is this? Are you running away? By Heaven, they are, most of them jumping over the cliffs! The Acropolis is empty except for these few who have remained because they did not fear the trial.

Attendants, pick up the bag which the Cynic threw away in the rout. Come, let me see what is in it; probably lupines, or a book, or some whole-wheat bread.

No! gold—see here!—perfume, a razor, a mirror, and a set of dice!

Good for you, my fine fellow! Were these your instruments for the mortification of the flesh, and did’ _ you think that with the aid of these you could abuse all mankind and instruct the rest of the world?

Well, there you see what they are like. You must consider how all this is to stop going on unobserved, and how those who come into contact with them are to tell which of them are the good and which, on the contrary, the followers of thte other life.

Invent a plan, Truth; for it would be in your own interest to do so, in order that Falsehood may not prevail over you, and bad men, under the cloak of Ignorance, escape your eye when they imitate the good.