ZEUS

Don’t delay; call another, the Peripatetic.

HERMES

(To renivatetic.) I say, you who are handsome, you who are rich! (Yo the buyers.) Come now, buy the height of intelligence, the one who knows absolutely everything!

BUYER

What is he like!

HERMES

Moderate, gentlemanly, adaptable in his way of living, and, what is more, he is double.

BUYER

What do you mean?

HERMES

Viewed from the outside, he seems to be one man, and from the inside, another; so if you buy him, be sure to call the one self “exoteric” and the other “esoteric.”

BUYER

What does he know best?

HERMES

That goods are threefold, in the soul, in the body, and in things external.Aristotle, Hth. Nicom. A, 8, 1098 b.

BUYER

He has common sense. How much is he?

HERMES

Twenty minas.

BUYER

Your price is high.

HERMES

Not so, bless you, for he himself appears to have a bit of money, so you can’t be too quick about buying him. Besides, he will tell you at once how long a gnat lives, how far down into the sea the sunlight reaches, and what the soul of an oyster is like.

BUYER

Heracles, what insight!

HERMES

What if I should tell you of other information demanding far keener vision, about sperm and conception and the shaping of the embryo in the womb, and how man is a creature that laughs, while asses do not laugh, and neither do they build houses nor sail boats.

BUYER

This is high and helpful information that you tell of, so I shall buy him for the twenty minas.

HERMES

Very well.

ZEUS

Whom have we left?

HERMES

This Sceptic is still on our hands. Reddy,Pyrrhias (Reddy) is a slave name, brought in for the sake of the pun on the name of the founder of the Sceptic school, Pyrrho. come here and be put up without delay. The crowd is already drifting away, and there will be but few at his sale. However,—who'll buy this one?

BUYER

I will. But first tell me, what do you know?

SCEPTIC

Nothing.

BUYER

What do you mean by that?

SCEPTIC

That in my opinion nothing at all exists.

BUYER

Then do not we exist?

SCEPTIC

I don’t even know that.

BUYER

Not even that you yourself exist?

SCEPTIC

I am far more uncertain about that.

BUYER

Oh, what a state of doubt? But what are these scales of yours for?

SCEPTIC

I weigh arguments in them and make them balance one another, and when I see they are precisely alike and equal in weight, then, ah! then I do not know which is the truer.

BUYER

What else can you do fairly well?

SCEPTIC

Everything except catch a runaway slave.

BUYER

Why can’t you do that?

SCEPTIC

Because, my dear sir, I am unable to apprehend anything.The same joke is cracked by Lucian in the True Story, 2, 18, at the expense of the New Academy.

BUYER

Of course, for you look to be slow and lazy. But what is the upshot of your wisdom?

SCEPTIC

Ignorance, and failure of hearing and vision.

BUYER

Then you mean being both deaf and blind?

SCEPTIC

Yes, and devoid of judgement and feeling, and, in a word, no better than a worm.

BUYER

I must buy you for that reason. (Zo uenmes.) How much may I call him worth?

HERMES

An Attie mina.

BUYER

Here you are. (Yo scertic.) What have you to say, fellow? Have I bought you?

SCEPTIC

Doubtful.

BUYER

No, indeed, I have bought you and paid the price in cash.

SCEPTIC

I am suspending judgement on that point and thinking it over.

BUYER

Come now, fellow, walk along behind me as my servant should.

SCEPTIC

Who knows if what you say is true?

BUYER

The crier, the mina, and the men present.

SCEPTIC

Is there anyone here present?

BUYER

Come, I'll chuck you into the mill and convince you that I am your master, with sorry logic!

SCEPTIC

Suspend judgement on that point.

BUYER

No, by Heaven! I have already affirmed my judgement.

HERMES

(To scertic.) Stop hanging back and go with your buyer. (Zo the company.) We invite you all here to-morrow, for we intend to put up for sale the careers of laymen, workingmen, and tradesmen.