Hermes Good heavens, what a din they make,
crying out, in plain every-day language, "Rations!" and "Where is the nectar?" and "The
ambrosia is giving out!" and "Where are the
hecatombs?" and "The sacrifices are common
property!" Zeus Call them to order, Hermes. Make them
stop this nonsense and hear why they were convened. Hermes But, Zeus, they do not all understand
Greek, and I am no polyglot to deliver an announcement to Scythians and Persians and Thracians and Celts all at once. I think I should do
best to enjoin silence by dumb show. Zeus Very well. Hermes There! Behold them reduced to the
silence of the sophists. Now is your time to address them. See, they are looking towards you
already, awaiting your speech. Zeus Hermes, you are my son, and I don't
mind telling you just how I feel. You know what
aplomb and magniloquence I have always shown
in our assemblies? Hermes Indeed I do. I was always frightened


 


when I heard you speak, particularly when you
would threaten to let down that golden rope and
drag from their foundations the earth and the sea
and the gods with them. Zeus But this time, my child, whether it is the
greatness of the impending dangers or of the audience-for the meeting is well attended, as you
see my presence of mind has utterly deserted
me, and I am trembling with nervousness and my
tongue seems tied. And, most absurd of all, I
have forgotten the opening of my speech, which
I had prepared with a view to making as agreeable a first impression as possible. Hermes You have spoiled everything. Your
silence is making them suspicious already, and
the more you delay the more overwhelmingly bad
news do they expect. Zeus Do you think, then, that I might begin
to recite to them that introduction of Homer's? Hermes What one? Zeus "Hearken now, ye gods, and every goddess, hearken." Hermes Stuff! You have recited those opening lines often enough in your cups already. But,
if you like, give up this tiresome business of poetry, and piece together any you choose of Demosthenes's orations against Philip, altering them a
little. That is the way most speaking is done
now, anyhow.


 Zeus That is a good idea-a sort of abridged
rhetoric or oratory made easy for the embarrassed.