TIMOCLES 
Well ‘then, all men and all nations have been mistaken in believing in gods and celebrating festivals ?
 DAMIS 
Thank you kindly, Timocles, for-reminding me of
what the nations believe... From that you can discern partitularly well that there is nothing in the
theory of gods, for the confusion is great, and some
believe one thing, some another. The Scythians
offer sacrifice to a scimitar, the Thracians to Zamolxis,
a runaway slave who came to them from Samos, the
Phrygians to Men, the Ethiopians to Day, the
Cyllenians to’ Phales, the Assyrians to a dove, the
Persians to fire, and the Egyptians to water. And
while all the Egyptians in common have water for a
god, the people of Memphis have the bull, the people
of Pelusium a wild onion, others an ibis or a crocodile,
others a dog-faced god or a cat or a monkey. Moreover, taking them by villages, some hold the right
shoulder a god and others, who dwell opposite them,
the left; others, half.a skull, and others an earthen
cup or dish. Isn’t that matter for laughter, good
Timocles?
 MOMUS 
Didn't I tell you, gods, that all this would come
out and be thoroughly looked into ?
 ZEUS 
You did, Momus, and your criticism was just. I
shall try to set it all right if we escape this immediate
danger.
 TIMOCLES 
But, you god-hater, how about the oracles and pre-

 

dictions of coming events? whose work can you call
them except that of the gods and their providence ?
 DAMIS 
Don’t say a word about the oracles, my worthy
friend, or else I'l ask you which of them you want
to cite. The one that Apollo gave the Lydian, which
was thoroughly double-edged and two-faced, like
some of our Herms, which are double and just alike
on both sides, whichever way you look at them ; for
what was there to show that Croesus by crossing the
Halys would destroy his own kingdom rather than
that of Cyrus? And yet the luckless Sardian had
paid a. good many thousands for that ambidextrous
verse.
 MOMUS 
Gods, the man keeps saying the very things that
I most feared. Where is our handsome musician
now? (Zo Arotto) Go down and defend yourself
to him against these charges !
 ZEUS 
You are boring us to extinction, Momus, with yout
untimely eriticism.
 TIMOCLES 
Take care what you are doing, Damis, you miscreant! You are all but upsetting the very temples
of the gods with your arguments, and their altars
too.
 DAMIS 
Not all the altars, as far as I am concerned,
Timocles ; for what harm do they do if they are full
of incense and sweet savour? But I should be glad
to see the altars of Artemis among the’ Tauvians
turned: completely upside down, those on which the
maiden goddess used to enjoy such horrid feasts.

 

 ZEUS 
Where did he get this insufferable stuff that he is
pouring out on us? He doesn’t spare any of the
gods, but speaks out like a fishwife and

 Takes first one, then the other, the guiltless along
with the guilty. Iliad 15, 137. 


 MOMUS 
I tell you, Zeus, you'll find few that are guiltless
among us, and possibly as he continues the man will
soon fasten on a certain person of prominence.