But who is this coming up in hot haste, the
one of bronze, with the fine tooling and the fine
contours, with his hair tied up in the old-fashioned
way ? Oh yes, it is your brother, Hermes, the
one of the public square, beside the Painted Porch. "As you go toward the portico that is called Poikile because of its paintings, there is a bronze Hermes, called Agoraios (of the square), and a gate close by” (Pausan. 1, 15,1). Playing upon "Hermes Agoraios,” Zeus dubs him Hermagoras, after a well-known rhetorician. 
At any rate he is all covered with pitch from being
cast every day by the sculptors. My lad, what brings

 

you here at a run? Do you bring us news from
earth, by any chance?
 HERMAGORAS 
Important news, Zeus, that requires unlimited
attention.
 ZEUS 
Tell me whether we have overlooked anything
else in the way of conspiracy.

 HERMAGORAS It fell just now that they who work in bronze Had smeared me o’er with pitch on breast and back ; A funny corslet round my body hung, Conformed by imitative cleverness To take the full impression of the bronze. I saw a crowd advancing with a pair Of sallow bawlers, warriors with words, Hight Damis, one— A parody on Euripides; compare Orest. 866, 871, 880. ZEUS 
Leave off your bombast, my good Hermagoras; I
know the men you mean. But tell me whether they
have been in action long.
 HERMAGORAS 
Not very; they were still skirmishing, slinging
abuse at each other at long range.
 ZEUS 
Then what else remains to be done, gods, except
to stoop over and listen to them? So let the Hours
remove the bar now, drive the clouds away and throw
open the gates of Heaven.

 

Heracles! what a crowd

 

has come together to listen! ‘Timocles himself does
not please me at all, for he is trembling and confused.
The fellow will spoil it all to-day ; in fact, it is clear
that he won’t even be able to square off at Danis.
But let’s do the very utmost that we can and pray
for him,
Silently, each to himself, so that Damis may not be
the wiser. A parody on Iliad 7, 195. 
 TIMOCLES At this point the scene becomes double ; down below are the philosophers disputing in the Stoa, and up above are the gods, listening eagerly with occasional comments. 
Damis, you sacrilegious wretch, why do you say
that the gods do not exist and do not show providence in behalf of men?
 DAMIS 
No, you tell me first what reason you have for
believing that they do exist.
 TIMOCLES 
No, you tell me, you miscreant !
 DAMIS 
No, you!
 ZEUS 
So far our man is much better and more noisy in
his bullying. Good, Timocles! Pile on your abuse ;
that is your strong point, for in everything else he
will make you as mute as a fish.
 TIMOCLES 
But I swear by Athena that I will not answer
you first.
 DAMIS 
Well then, put your question, Timocles, for you

 

have won with that oath of yours. But no abuse,
please.