APOLLO 
If we young fellows without beards were permitted
by law to take the floor, perhaps I might have made
some contribution to the debate.
 MOMUS 
In the first place, Apollo, the debate is on such
great issues that the right to speak does not go by
age but is open to all alike ; for it would be delicious
if when we were in direst danger we quibbled about
our rights under the law. Secondly, according to law _
you are already fully entitled to the floor, for you
came of age long ago and are registered in the list
of the Twelve Gods and almost were a member of
the council in the days of Cronus. So don’t play
the boy with us: say what you think boldly, and

 

don’t be sensitive about speaking without a beard
when you have such a long-bearded, hairy-faced son
in Asclepius. Besides, it would be in order for you
to show your wisdom now or never, unless you sit
on Helicon and talk philosophy with the Muses for
nothing.
 APOLLO 
But it is not for you to give such permission,
Momus; it is for Zeus, and if he lets me perhaps
I may say something not without sweetness and
light and worthy of my study on Helicon.
 ZEUS 
Speak, my boy: I give you permission.

 APOLLO 
This Timocles is an upright, God-fearing man and
he is thoroughly up in the Stoic doctrines, so that
he gives lessons to many of the young men
-and collects large fees for it, being very plausible
when he disputes privately with his pupils; but he
utterly lacks the courage to speak before a crowd
and his language is vulgar and half-foreign, so that
he gets laughed at for that reason when he appears
in public, for he does not talk fluently but stammers
and gets confused, especially when in spite of these
faults he wants to make a show of fine language.
His intellect, to be sure, is exceedingly keen and
subtle, as people say who know more than I about
Stoicism, but in lecturing and expounding he weakens
and obscures his points by his incapacity, not making
his meaning clear but presenting propositions that
are like riddles and returning answers that are still
more unintelligible; hence the others failing to com-


 

prehend, laugh at him. But it is essential to speak
clearly, I think, and beyond all else to take great
pains to be understood by the hearers.

 MOMUS 
You were right, Apollo, in praising people who
speak clearly, even though you yourself do not do
it at all, for in your oracles you are ambiguous and
riddling and you unconcernedly toss most of them
into the debatable ground so that your hearers need
another Apollo to interpret them. But what do
you advise as the next step, what remedy for
Timocles’ helplessness in debate ?

 APOLLO 
To give him a spokesman if possible, Momus, one of
those eloquent chaps who will say fittingly whatever
Timocles thinks of and suggests.
 MOMUS 
Truly a puerile suggestion which shows that you
still need a tutor, that we should bring a spokesman
into a meeting of philosophers to interpret the
opinions of Timocles to the company, and that Damis
should speak in his own person and unaided while
the other, making use of a proxy, privately whispers
his ideas into his ear and the proxy does the speaking,
perhaps without even understanding what he hears,
Wouldn’t that be fun for the crowd! No, let’s
think of some other way to manage this thing.

 

But
as for you, my admirable friend, since you claim to
be a prophet and have collected large fees for such
work, even to the extent of getting ingots of gold
once upon a time, why do you not give us a timely
display of your skill by foretelling which of the

 

sophists will win in the argument? Of course you
know what the outcome will be, if you are a
prophet:
 APOLLO 
How can I do that, Momus, when we have no
tripod here, and no incense or prophetic spring like
Castaly ?
 MOMUS 
There now! you dodge the test when it comes to
the pinch.
 ZEUS 
Speak up, my boy, all the same, and don’t give
this libeller a chance to malign and insult your profession by saying that it all depends on a tripod and
water and incense, so that if you didn’t have those
things you would be deprived of your skill.
 APOLLO 
It would be better, father, to do such business at
Delphi or Colophon where I have all the necessaries
at hand, in the usual way. However, even thus
devoid of them and unequipped, I will try to foretell
whose the victory shall be: you will bear with me if
my verses are lame.
 MOMUS 
Do speak ; but let it be clear, and not itself in
need of a spokesman or an interpreter. It is not
now a question of lamb and turtle cooking together
in Lydia, but you know what the debate is about.
 ZEUS 
What in the world are you going to say, my boy?
These preliminaries to your oracle are terrifying in
themselves; your colour is changed, your eyes are
rolling, your hair stands on end, your movements are

 

frenzied, and in a word everything about you
suggests demoniacal possession and gooseflesh and
mysteries.