I beg you here and now, Zeus, as we are alone and
there is no man in our gathering except Heracles
and Dionysus and Ganymede and Asclepius, these
naturalized aliens—answer me truly, have you ever
had enough regard for those on earth to find out

 

who are the good among them and who are the bad?
No, you can’t say that you have! In fact, if
Theseus on his way from Troezen to Athens had
not incidentally done away with the marauders, as
far as you and your providence are concerned nothing
would hinder Sciron and Pityocamptes and Cereyon
and the rest of them from continuing to live in
luxury by slaughtering wayfarers. Andif Eurystheus,
an upright man, full of providence, had not out of
the love he bore his fellow men looked into the
conditions everywhere and sent out this servant
of his, Heracles. a hard-working fellow eager for tasks, you,
Zeus, would have paid little heed to the Hydra and
the Stymphalian birds and the Thracian mares and
the insolence and wantonness of the Centaurs.

 
If you would have me speak the truth, we sit
here considering just one question, whether anybody is slaying victims and burning incense at our
altars ; everything else drifts with the current, swept
aimlessly along. Therefore we are getting and
shall continue to get no more than we deserve when
men gradually begin to crane their necks upward and
find out that it does them no good to sacrifice to us
and hold processions. Then in a little while you
shall see the Epicuruses and Metrodoruses and
Damises laughing at us, and our pleaders overpowered and silenced by them. So it is for the rest
of you to check and remedy all this, you who carried
it so far. To me, being only Momus, it does not
make much difference if I ain to be unhonoured, for
even in bygone days I was not one of those in
honour, while you are still fortunate and enjoy your
sacrifices.
 
 ZEUS 
Let us ignore this fellow’s nonsense, gods; he is
always harsh and fault-finding. As that wonderful
man Demosthenes says, to reproach and criticize and
find fault is easy and anyone can do it, but to advise
how a situation. may be improved requires a really
wise counsellor; and this is what the rest of you
will do, I am very sure, even if Momus says nothing.
 POSEIDON 
For my part I am pretty much subaqueous, as you
know, and live by myself in the depths, doing my
best to rescue sailors, speed vessels on their course
and calm the winds. Nevertheless I am interested
in matters here too, and I say that this Damis should
be put out of the way before he enters the dispute,
either with a thunderbolt or by some other means,
for fear that he may get the better of it in the
argument ; for you say, Zeus, that he is a plausible
fellow. At the same time we'll show them how we
punish people who say such things against us.
 ZEUS 
Are you joking, Poseidon, or have you completely
forgotten that nothing of the sort is in our power,
but the Fates decide by their spinning that one man
is to die by a thunderbolt, another by the sword
and another by fever or consumption? If it lay in
my power, do you suppose I would have let the
temple-robbers get away from Olympia the other
day unscathed by my thunderbolt, when they had
shorn off two of my curls weighing six pounds apiece?
Or would you yourself at Geraestus have allowed the
fisherman from Oreus to filch your trident? Besides,

 

it will look as if we were getting angry because we
have been injured, and as if we feared the arguments of Damis and were making away with him
for that reason, without waiting for him to be put
to the proof by Timocles. Shall we not seem, then,
to be winning by default if we win in that way?
 POSEIDON 
Why, I supposed I had thought of a short cut to
victory ?
 ZEUS 
Avast ! a stockfish idea, Poseidon, downright stupid,
to make away with your adversary in advance so that
he may die undefeated, leaving the question still in
dispute and unsettled !
 POSEIDON 
Well, then, the rest of you think of something
else that is better, since you relegate my ideas to the
stockfish in that fashion.