But when, thus reflecting, I had reached the
Painted Porch, I saw a great number of men gathered
together, some inside, in the porch itself, a number
in the court, and one or two sitting on the seats
bawling and straining their lungs. Guessing (as was
indeed the case) that they were philosophers of the
disputatious order, I decided to stop and hear what
they were saying, and as I happened to be wrapped
im one of my thick clouds, I dressed myself after
their style and lengthened my beard with a pull,
making myself very like a philosopher; then,
elbowing the rabble aside, I went in without being
recognized. I found the Epicurean Damis, that sly
rogue, and Timocles the Stoic, the best man in the
world, disputing madly : at least Timocles was sweating and had worn his voice out with shouting, while
Damnis with his sardonic laughter was making him
more and more excited.
 

Their whole discussion was about us. That confounded Damis asserted that we do not exercise any
providence in behalf of men and do not oversee
what goes on among them, saying nothing less than
that we do not exist at all (for that is of course what


 

his argument implied), and there were some who
applauded him. The other, however, I mean
Timocles, was on our side and fought for us and got
angry and took our part in every way, praising our
management and telling how we govern and direct
everything in the appropriate order and system ; and
he too had some who applauded him. But finally he
grew tired and began to speak badly and the crowd
began to turn admiring eyes on Damis; so, seeing
the danger, I ordered night to close in and break up
the conference. They went away, therefore, after
agreeing to carry the dispute to a conclusion the
next day, and I myself, going along with the crowd,
overheard them praising Damis’ views on their way
home and even then far preferring his side: there
were some, however, who recommended them not to
condemn the other side in advance but to wait and
see what Timocles would say the next day.

 

That is why I called you together, gods, and it is
no trivial reason if you consider that all our honour
and glory and revenue comes from men, and if they
are convinced either that there are no gods at all
or that if there are they have no thought of men,
we shall be without sacrifices, without presents and
without honours on earth and shall sit idle in Heaven
in the grip of famine, choused out of our old-time
feasts and celebrations and games and sacrifices and
vigils and processions. Such being the issue, I say
that all must try to think out something to save the
situation for us, so that Timocles will win and be
thought to have the truth on his side of the argument and Damis will be laughed to scorn by the
audience: for I have very little confidence that

 

Timocles will win by himself if he has not our
backing. Therefore make your lawful proclamation,
Hermes, so that they may arise and give counsel.
 HERMES 
Hark! Hush! No noise! Who of the gods in
full standing that have the right to speak wants to
do so? What’s this? Nobody arises? Are you
dumfounded by the greatness of the issues presented,
that you hold your tongues?
 MOMUS Marry, you others may all into water and earth be
converted; addressed to the Greeks by Menelaus when they were reluctant to take up the challenge of Hector. Iliad7, 99. 

but as for me, if I were privileged to speak frankly,
I would have a great deal to say.
 ZEUS 
Speak, Momus, with full confidence, for it is clear
that your frankness will be intended for our common
good.
 MOMUS 
Well then, listen, gods, to what comes straight
from the heart, as the saying goes. I quite expected
that we should wind up in this helpless plight and
that we should have a great crop of sophists like
this, who get from us ourselves the justification for
their temerity; and I vow by Themis that it is not
right to be angry either at Epicurus or at his
associates and successors in doctrine if they have
formed such an idea of us. Why, what could one
expect them to think when they see so much confusion in life, and see that the good men among
them are neglected and waste away in poverty and

 

illness and bondage while scoundrelly, pestilential
fellows are highly honoured and have enormous
wealth and lord it over their betters, and that templerobbers are not punished but escape, while men who
are guiltless of all wrong-dving sometimes die by the
cross or the scourge ?

 

It is natural, then, that on seeing this they
think of us as if we were nothing at all, especially
when they hear the oracles saying that on crossing
the Halys somebody will destroy a great kingdom,
without indicating whether he will destroy his own
or that of the enemy ; and again

 “Glorious Salamis, death shalt thou bring to the
children of women, From the famous oracle about the ‘* wooden wall,” which Themistocles interpreted for the Athenians. Herod. 7, 140 ff. 

for surely both Persians and Greeks were the
children of women! And when the reciters tell
them that we fall in love and get wounded and are
thrown into chains and become slaves and quarrel
among ourselves and have a thousand cares, and
all this in spite of our claim to be blissful and
deathless, are they not justified in laughing at us and
holding us in no esteem? We, however, are vexed
if any humans not wholly without wits criticize all
this and reject our providence, when we ought to be
glad if any of them continue to sacrifice to us,
offending as we do.