But when he went on and ventured to mispronounce tin (κασσίτερον—καττίτερον) and shoe-leather (κάσσυμα—κάττυμα), and tar (πίσσα—πίττα), and then, losing all sense of shame, to miscall queens (βασίλισσα—βασίλιττα), I am uncommonly annoyed and hot about all this, for I am afraid that in course of time someone may miscall a spade!An allusion to the English saying is here substituted for a similar allusion to its Greek equivalent, "to call a fig a fig” (τὰ σῦκα σῦκα ὀνομάζειν). Pardon me, in the name of Heaven, for my righteous anger, discouraged as I am and bereft of partisans. I am not risking a trifling, every-day stake, for he is robbing me of acquaintances and companions among the letters. He snatched a blackbird, a talkative creature, right out of my bosom, almost, and renamed it (κίσσα—κίττα); he took away my pheasant (¢décca—ddrra) along with my ducks (νήσσαι—νήτται) and my daws (κόσσυφοι—κόττυφοι), although Aristarchus forbade him; he robbed me of not a few bees (μέλισσα—μέλιττα), and he went to Attica and illegally plucked Hymessus (Ὑμησσός—Ὑμηττός) out of the very heart of her, in full view of yourselves and the other letters. But why mention this? He has turned me out of all Thessaly, wanting it called Thettaly, has swept me from the sea (θάλασσα—ϑάλαττα) and “has not even spared me the beets (σεύτλια—τεύτλια) in my garden, so that, to quote the proverb, he hasn’t even left me a peg (πάσσαλος—πάτταλος).

That I am a much-enduring letter, you yourselves can testify, for I never brought Zeta to book for taking my emerald (σμάραγδος—ζὡμάραγδος) and robbing me utterly of Smyrna, Pronounced, as it is to-day, Zmyrna, but written usually with s. nor Xi for overstepping every treaty (συνθήκη—ξυνθήκη) with Thucydides the historian (συγγραφεύς—ξυγγραφεύς) as his ally (ύμμαχος—ξύμμαχος): And when my neighbour ho was ill I forgave him not only for transplanting - my myrtles (μυρσίνη—-μυῤῥίνη) into his own garden, but also for cracking my crown (κόρση—κόρρη) in a fit of insanity.

That is my disposition, but this Tau— just see how bad-natured he is toward the others, too! To show that he has not let the rest of the letters alone, but has injured Delta and Theta and Zeta and almost all the alphabet, please call to the stand the injured parties in person. Listen, Vowels of the jury, to Delta, who says: “He robbed me of endelechy, wanting it to be called entelechy agairist all the laws”; to Theta crying and pulling out the hair of his head because he has had even his pumpkin (κολοκύνθη—-κολοκύντη) taken away from him, and to Zeta, who has lost his whistle (συρίζειν—συρίττειν) and trumpet (σαλπίζειν—σαλπίττειν), so that he can’t even make a sound (γρύζειν—γρύττειν) any longer. Who could put up with all this, and what punishment could be bad enough for this out-and-out rascal Tau?