But when he went on and
ventured to mispronounce tin (κασσίτερον—καττίτερον)
and shoe-leather (κάσσυμα—κάττυμα), and tar (πίσσα—πίττα), and then, losing all sense of shame, to miscall
queens (βασίλισσα—βασίλιττα), I am uncommonly
annoyed and hot about all this, for I am afraid that
in course of time someone may miscall a spade ! An allusion to the English saying is here substituted for
a similar allusion to its Greek equivalent, "to call a fig a
fig” (τὰ σῦκα σῦκα ὀνομάζειν). 
Pardon me, in the name of Heaven, for my righteous
anger, discouraged as I am and bereft of partisans.
I am not risking a trifling, every-day stake, for he is
robbing me of acquaintances and companions among
the letters. He snatched a blackbird, a talkative




 

creature, right out of my bosom, almost, and renamed it (κίσσα—κίττα) ; he took away my pheasant
(¢décca—ddrra) along with my ducks (νήσσαι—νήτται)
and my daws (κόσσυφοι—κόττυφοι), although Aristarchus forbade him; he robbed me of not a few
bees (μέλισσα—μέλιττα), and he went to Attica and
illegally plucked Hymessus (Ὑμησσός—Ὑμηττός) out
of the very heart of her, in full view of yourselves
and the other letters. But why mention this? He
has turned me out of all Thessaly, wanting it called
Thettaly, has swept me from the sea (θάλασσα—ϑάλαττα) and “has not even spared me the beets
(σεύτλια—τεύτλια) in my garden, so that, to quote the
proverb, he hasn’t even left me a peg (πάσσαλος—πάτταλος). 
That I am a much-enduring letter, you yourselves
can testify, for I never brought Zeta to book for
taking my emerald (σμάραγδος—ζὡμάραγδος) and robbing me utterly of Smyrna,
 Pronounced, as it is to-day, Zmyrna, but written usually
with s. 
nor Xi for overstepping
every treaty (συνθήκη—ξυνθήκη) with Thucydides
the historian (συγγραφεύς—ξυγγραφεύς) as his ally
(ύμμαχος—ξύμμαχος): And when my neighbour
ho was ill I forgave him not only for transplanting -
my myrtles (μυρσίνη—-μυῤῥίνη) into his own garden,
but also for cracking my crown (κόρση—κόρρη) in a
fit of insanity.

 

That is my disposition, but this Tau—
just see how bad-natured he is toward the others,
too! To show that he has not let the rest of the
letters alone, but has injured Delta and Theta and
Zeta and almost all the alphabet, please call to the
stand the injured parties in person. Listen, Vowels
of the jury, to Delta, who says: “He robbed me of



 

endelechy, wanting it to be called entelechy agairist
all the laws”; to Theta crying and pulling out the
hair of his head because he has had even his pumpkin
(κολοκύνθη—-κολοκύντη) taken away from him, and to
Zeta, who has lost his whistle (συρίζειν—συρίττειν) and
trumpet (σαλπίζειν—σαλπίττειν), so that he can’t even
make a sound (γρύζειν—γρύττειν) any longer. Who
could put up with all this, and what punishment
could be bad enough for this out-and-out rascal Tau ?