Most people grumble about everything, and have a feeling that everything which happens to them contrary to their expectations is brought about through the spite of Fortune and the divine powers. Therefore they wail at everything, and groan, and curse their luck. To them one might say in retort: God is no bane to you; ’tis you yourself, Sophocles, Oedipus Tyrannus , 379. you and your foolish and distorted notions due to your lack of education. It is because of this fallacious and deluded notion that men cry out against any sort of death. If a man die while on a journey, they groan over him and say: Wretched his fate; not for him shall his father or much revered mother Close his dear eyelids in death. Homer, Il. xi. 452. But if he die in his own land with his parents at his bedside, they deplore his being snatched from their arms and leaving them the memory of the painful sight. If he die in silence without uttering a word about anything, they say amid their tears: No, not a word did you say to me, which for the weight of its meaning Ever might dwell in my mind. Homer, Il. xxiv. 744. But if he talked a little at the time of his death, they keep his words always before their mind as a sort of kindling for their grief. If he die suddenly, they deplore his death, saying, He was snatched away ; Sophocles, Oedipus Tyrannus, 379. b Homer, Il. xi. 452. c Homer, Il. xxiv. 744. but if he lingered long, they complain that he wasted away and suffered before he died. Any pretext is sufficient to arouse grief and lamentations. This movement the poets initiated, and especially the first of them, Homer, Il. xxiii. 222, and xvii. 37. who says: E’en as a father laments as the pyre of his dead son he kindles, Wedded not long; by his death he brought woe to his unhappy parents. Not to be told is the mourning and grief that he caused for his parents. And yet so far it is not evident that the father is justified in bewailing thus. But note this next line: Only and darlingest son, who is heir to his many possessions. Il. ix. 482. For who knows but that God, having a fatherly care for the human race, and foreseeing future events, early removes some persons from life untimely? Wherefore we must believe that they undergo nothing that should be avoided. (For In what must be, there’s naught that men need dread, From the Hypsipyle of Euripides, quoted supra , 110 F. nor in any of those events which come to pass in accordance with the postulates or the logical deductions of reason), both because the great majority of deaths forestall other and greater troubles and because it were better for some not to be born even, for others to die at the very moment of birth, for others after they have gone on in life a little way, and for still others while they are in their full vigour. Toward all such deaths we should maintain a cheerful frame of mind, since we know that we cannot escape destiny. It is the mark of educated men to take it for granted that those who seem to have been deprived of life untimely have but forestalled us for a brief time; for the longest life is short and momentary in comparison with eternity. And we know, too, that many who have protracted their period of mourning have, after no long time, followed their lamented friends, without having gained any advantage from their mourning, but only useless torment by their misery. Since the time of sojourn in life is very brief, we ought not, in unkempt grief and utterly wretched mourning, to ruin our lives by racking ourselves with mental anguish and bodily torments, but to turn to the better and more human course, by striving earnestly to converse with men who will not, for flattery, grieve with us and arouse our sorrows, but will endeavour to dispel our griefs through noble and dignified consolation. We should hearken to Homer and keep in mind those lines of his Il. vi. 486. which Hector spoke to Andromache, endeavouring, in his turn, to comfort her: Dearest, you seem much excited; be not overtroubled in spirit; No man beyond what is fated shall send me in death unto Hades. For not a man among mortals, I say, has escaped what is destined, Neither the base nor the noble, when once he has entered life’s pathway. Of this destiny the poet elsewhere Homer, Il. xx. 128. says: When from his mother he came, in the thread of his life Fate entwined it. Keeping these things before our mind, we shall rid ourselves of the useless and vain extremes of mourning, since the time remaining of our life is altogether short. We must therefore be chary of it, so that we may live it in cheerfulness of spirit and without the disturbance of mournful griefs, by giving up the outward signs of sorrow and by bethinking ourselves of the care of our bodies and the welfare of those who live with us. It is a good thing also to call to mind the arguments which most likely we have sometimes employed with relatives or friends Cf. Cicero, Tusculan Disputations , iii. 29-30 (71-74). who found themselves in similar calamities, when we tried to comfort them and to persuade them to bear the usual happenings of life in the usual way and a man’s lot like a man; and it is a good thing, too, not to put ourselves in the position of being able to help others to find relief from grief, but ourselves to have no profit in recalling the means through which we must cure the soul’s distress— by healing remedies of reason Cf. Aeschylus, Agamemnon, , 848. —since we should postpone anything else rather than the putting aside of grief. And yet one poet Hesiod, Works and Days , 414. says that the man who in any matter puts off till to-morrow is wrestling with destruction —a proverb which is repeated among all men. Much more, I think, is this true of the man who puts over to a future time the experiences which his soul finds so troublesome and so hard to face. It is a good thing, too, to contemplate those men who nobly and high-mindedly and calmly have been resigned to the deaths which have befallen their sons—Anaxagoras of Clazomenae, Demosthenes of Athens, Dion of Syracuse, King Antigonus, and very many others among men both of earlier times and of our own day. Of these, Anaxagoras, Cf. Aelian, Varia Historia , iii. 2; Galen, v. p. 418 (ed. Kuhn); Cicero, Tusculan Disputations , iii. 14 (30) and 24 (58); Valerius Maximus, v 10. ext. 3. according to the traditional story, was talking about natural philosophy in conversation with his friends, when he heard from one of the messengers, who were sent to bring him the news, of the end which had befallen his son. He stopped for a moment and then said to those present, I knew that I had begotten a son who was mortal. Pericles, Cf. Plutarch, Life of Pericles , chap. xxxvi. (p. 172 c); Aelian, Varia Historia , ix. 6; Valerius Maximus, v. 10, ext. 1. who was called the Olympian because of his surpassing power of reasoning and of understanding, learned that both his sons, Paralus and Xanthippus, had passed from life. Protagoras describes his conduct in these words: His sons were comely youths, but though they died within seven days of each other, he bore their deaths without repining. For he continued to hold to that serenity from which day by day he added greatly to his credit of being blest by Fortune and untroubled by sorrow, and to his high repute with the people at large. For each and every man, as he beheld Pericles bearing his sorrows so stoutly, felt that he was high-minded and manful and his own superior, being only too well aware of what would be his own helplessness under such circumstances. For Pericles, immediately after the tidings about his two sons, none the less placed the garland upon his head, according to the time-honoured custom at Athens, and, clad in garb of white, harangued the people, taking lead in good counsel, Adapted from Homer, Il. ii. 273. and inspiriting the Athenians to war. Xenophon, Cf. Aelian, Varia Historia , iii. 3; Diogenes Laertius, ii. 54; Valerius Maximus, v. 10, ext. 2. the follower of Socrates, was once offering sacrifice when he learned from the messengers who had come from the field of battle that his son Gryllus had met his death while fighting. He took the garland from his head and questioned them as to how he had died. When the messengers reported that he died nobly, displaying the greatest valour and after slaying many of the enemy, Xenophon was completely silent for a few moments while mastering his emotion by the power of reason, and then, replacing the gai’land, he completed the sacrifice, remarking to the messengers, I prayed to the gods, not that my son should be immortal or even long of life (for it is not clear whether it be of advantage so), but that he should be brave and patriotic; and so it has come to pass. Dion Cf. Plutarch, Life of Dion , chap. lv. (p. 982 c): Aelian, Varia Historia , iii. 4. of Syracuse was sitting in consultation with his friends, when there arose, in the house a commotion and a great screaming, and upon inquiring the cause and hearing what had happened—that his son had fallen from the roof and been killed—he was not at all disconcerted, but commanded the corpse to be given over to the women for the usual preparation for burial, and he himself did not leave off the discussion in which he was engaged. His example, they say, Demosthenes Cf. Plutarch, Life of Demosthenes , chap. xxii. (p. 855 D), and Cicero, Tusculan Disputations , iii. 26 (63). the orator emulated when he lost his only and much-loved daughter, of whom Aeschines, Or. iii. ( Against Ctesiphon ) 77 (p. 64). thinking to reproach Demosthenes, speaks as follows: On the seventh day after his daughter’s death, before he had mourned for her or performed the customary rites, putting on a garland and resuming his white apparel, he offered a sacrifice in public and violated all custom, when he had lost, poor wretch, his only daughter, who was the first child to address him as father. So then Aeschines, purposing, after the manner of the political speaker, to reproach him, rehearsed these facts, being quite unaware that thereby he was really commending Demosthenes, who put aside his grief, and displayed his patriotism in preference to his feelings for his kindred. Antigonus Antigonus Gonatas; cf. Aelian, Varia Historia , iii. 5. the king, on learning of the death of his son Alcyoneus, which had occurred in the line of battle, gazed proudly upon the messengers who had brought news of the calamity, and, after waiting for a moment, said, bowing his head, Not so very early, Alcyoneus, have you departed this life, since you always rushed so recklessly against the enemy without a thought either of your own safety or of my counsels. The whole world wonders at these men and admires them for their nobility of mind, but others have not the ability to imitate them in practice because of that weakness of spirit which results from lack of education. But although there are so many examples, which have been handed down to us through both Greek and Roman history, of men who have behaved nobly and honourably at the deaths of their relatives, yet what has been said will suffice to induce you to put aside mourning, which is the most distressing of all things, and also the fruit Antigonus Gonatas; cf. Aelian, Varia Historia, iii. 5. less pain, which serves no useful purpose, involved in mourning. The fact that those who excel in virtues pass on to their fate while young, as though beloved of the gods, I have already called to your attention in an earlier part 111 B supra of my letter, and I shall endeavour at this time to touch upon it very briefly, merely adding my testimony to that which has been so well said by Menander From the Double Deceiver : Cf. Kock, Com. Att. Frag. iii. p. 36, Menander, No. 125, and Allinson’s Menander (L.C.L.), p. 345. The sentiment is found many times in other writers, Cf. Plautus, Bacch. iv. 7. 18 quem di diligunt adulescens moritur. : Whom the gods love dies young. But perhaps, my dearest Apollonius, you would say in retort that your young son had been placed under the special care of Apollo and the Fates, and that it should have been you who, on departing this life, received the last offices from him, after he had come to full manhood; for this, you say, is in accordance with nature. Yes, in accordance with your nature, no doubt, and mine, and that of mankind in general, but not in accordance with the Providence which presides over all or with the universal dispensation. But for that boy, now among the blessed, it was not in accordance with nature that he should tarry beyond the time allotted to him for life on this earth, but that, after fulfilling this term with due obedience, he should set forth to meet his fate, which was already (to use his own words i.e. his dying words, Fate summons me ; Cf. the dying words of Alcestis, Charon summons me, Euripides, Alcestis , 254, and Plato, Phaedo , 115 A. ) summoning him to himself. But he died untimely. Yes, but for this very reason his lot is happier, and he is spared many evils; for Euripides In an unknown play; cf. Nauck, Trag. Graec. Frag. , Euripides, No. 966. says: Life bears the name of life, being but toil. But he, in the most blooming period of his years, has departed early, a perfect youth, envied and admired by all who knew him. He was fond of his father and mother and his relatives and friends, or, to put it in a word, he loved his fellow men; he respected the elderly among his friends as fathers, he was affectionate towards his companions and familiar friends, he honoured his teachers, and was most kind toward strangers and citizens, gentle with all and beloved of all, both because of his charm of appearance and because of his affable kindliness. Ah well, but he, bearing with him the fair and fitting fame of your righteousness and his own conjoined, has departed early to eternity from out this mortal life, as from an evening party, before falling into any such grossness of conduct as is wont to be the concomitant of a long old age. And if the account of the ancient poets and philosophers is true, as it most likely is, and so there is for those of the departed who have been righteous a certain honour and preferment, as is said, and a place set apart in which their souls pass their existence, then you ought to be of good hope for your dear departed son that he will be reckoned among their number and will be with them.